Christmas came early for the homeless shelter this pass weekend. My boyfriend and I volunteered our time Christmas Eve and night to helping the less unfortunate.
No matter how many times or how long I help, I still feel like I've done nothing. But just seeing one child smile will always make me feel that I still am helping someone.
I hope everybody had a very Merry Christmas. I wish you all the best for many more in the future. Do volunteer whenever you get a chance. If more people volunteer then more people will feel better therefore making the world a better place. And doesn't it need a little makeover?
Goodnight everybody!
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
So Retro
I turn on the radio this morning and I stop what I'm doing and listen to this song. My day just became a lot better.
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
"E" is for Elephant
We all have these teachers that uh, teach us through out school. One teacher that I had really motivated me. It was Mrs. Taylor. She would bring fresh baked cookies to class everyday. She would tell great stories to us. We had the easiest homework. She would help us more than any other teacher ever did, going beyond the call of duty. She was favorite to all the parents and the envy of all the teachers. All I want to say is Thank You Mrs. Taylor. You motivated the unmotivated.
Thursday, November 16, 2006
Chicken Noodle Soup
I heard a song called Chicken Noodle Soup on the radio. What the hell? What's wrong with the music today? It used to be good.
Thursday, November 09, 2006
I Feel Like A Beached Whale
Please roll me back out to sea.
I just ate a dozen donuts in one morning by myself. Cream filled! I hate donuts but today I couldn't stop eating them.
I was walking in the park the other day with my friends and this kid started laughing behind us. I always say, kids may laugh but something something something Johnny Depp. Well we turn around and look and see these kids pointing and laughing. The kid shouted, "That's a huge ass!" We didn't know who he was talking to, but of course it wasn't me. My ass is perfect. Squats every morning guarantees that. You can bounce a car off my ass. But back to the topic at hand. Kids are going to be kids and their is nothing we can do it about it, or is it. I saw a rock, and then I saw a necklace of a cross somebody dropped. I think it was somebody from heaven telling me that I shouldn't throw the rock. So I restrained myself. But I couldn't control my angry friend. She ran after them.
So that was my monthly like post. I'm banning myself from Dunkin Donuts for at least a day. :)
I just ate a dozen donuts in one morning by myself. Cream filled! I hate donuts but today I couldn't stop eating them.
I was walking in the park the other day with my friends and this kid started laughing behind us. I always say, kids may laugh but something something something Johnny Depp. Well we turn around and look and see these kids pointing and laughing. The kid shouted, "That's a huge ass!" We didn't know who he was talking to, but of course it wasn't me. My ass is perfect. Squats every morning guarantees that. You can bounce a car off my ass. But back to the topic at hand. Kids are going to be kids and their is nothing we can do it about it, or is it. I saw a rock, and then I saw a necklace of a cross somebody dropped. I think it was somebody from heaven telling me that I shouldn't throw the rock. So I restrained myself. But I couldn't control my angry friend. She ran after them.
So that was my monthly like post. I'm banning myself from Dunkin Donuts for at least a day. :)
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
The Plastics
They smile in your face and stab you in the back.
They do charity work only because it makes them look good.
They wear the newest craziest clothes everyday.
People worship them.
People want to be them.
They stare in the mirror for hours wondering if they can get any thinner.
They put tons of make up on everyday.
They are always Daddy's Little Girl.
They were spoiled as a kid.
They can never do no wrong.
They will be voted at the top of every list in the year book.
They could get away with anything they want.
They will date the coolest guy in school and break his heart.
They will ruin people's lives forever just for 5 seconds of laughter.
They can make you do whatever they want you to do.
They don't eat at all.
They steal each other's boyfriends behind each others backs.
They lie and cheat.
They plan their future before they even hit puberty.
They plan on having 1 boy and 2 girls. One boy to be the pretty boy and 2 girls to be the princess.
When they get older, they'll try to be young forever.
They will look like a 16 year old trapped in a 80 year old body.
They will end up running the world!
And above all, they'll end up filthy rich by marrying a millionaire.
How do I know so much about The Plastics?
Sadly, I am one.
But I'm changing my ways.
So until then, SMILE (this is my new theme song. click on the first song)
They do charity work only because it makes them look good.
They wear the newest craziest clothes everyday.
People worship them.
People want to be them.
They stare in the mirror for hours wondering if they can get any thinner.
They put tons of make up on everyday.
They are always Daddy's Little Girl.
They were spoiled as a kid.
They can never do no wrong.
They will be voted at the top of every list in the year book.
They could get away with anything they want.
They will date the coolest guy in school and break his heart.
They will ruin people's lives forever just for 5 seconds of laughter.
They can make you do whatever they want you to do.
They don't eat at all.
They steal each other's boyfriends behind each others backs.
They lie and cheat.
They plan their future before they even hit puberty.
They plan on having 1 boy and 2 girls. One boy to be the pretty boy and 2 girls to be the princess.
When they get older, they'll try to be young forever.
They will look like a 16 year old trapped in a 80 year old body.
They will end up running the world!
And above all, they'll end up filthy rich by marrying a millionaire.
How do I know so much about The Plastics?
Sadly, I am one.
But I'm changing my ways.
So until then, SMILE (this is my new theme song. click on the first song)
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
November
I love this month. It's the time of the month where you see a lot of your family. You get to do your Christmas shopping early. The leaves turn brown and you feel like you can run for miles in the leaves and play. Those are my crazy days when nobody is around to watch me days. I used to rake the leaves with my daddy the day of Thanksgiving until dinner was ready. When we finished eating, we would roast marshmallows and play games for hours. I'm such a dork.
Thursday, October 26, 2006
Not Feeling So Fresh?
I can't do it anymore. Well, I only did it for a week. I tried it, but it didn't fit right with me. I believe I was destined to try it so that I could have the chance to not like it. And I proved to myself that it isn't worth it. It was my first time doing it. I can say that I'll never do it again. I got no pleasure from it at all. It was pretty long and thick. I was only able to get into the first few. It lacked flavor. I couldn't get stuck on it. I expected a climax but all I got was a "Hey, Bang Bang, Thank You Ma'am".
Maybe when I'm older I can get a group of people to do it with me. That would be fun. Perhaps 20 or 30 people together. Old and young. And I'll get kids to do it with us too. I say we should start at 6 years old. Once it's fresh in their minds that they'll want it more. I say everybody should do it with me. Yeah. It would be a blast! But for now, no. Tonight was the last time. Lasted for about a couple of hours. I was less than satisfied from the experience. I expected more from it. I'll see how my mood is next week.
Oh, this was in reference to a book club. What was on your mind?
Maybe when I'm older I can get a group of people to do it with me. That would be fun. Perhaps 20 or 30 people together. Old and young. And I'll get kids to do it with us too. I say we should start at 6 years old. Once it's fresh in their minds that they'll want it more. I say everybody should do it with me. Yeah. It would be a blast! But for now, no. Tonight was the last time. Lasted for about a couple of hours. I was less than satisfied from the experience. I expected more from it. I'll see how my mood is next week.
Oh, this was in reference to a book club. What was on your mind?
Sunday, October 22, 2006
My Anniversary Rocked!
Speaking of rocks, my boyfriend gave me a ring for his appreciation for me. I'm so pawning this tomorrow! Just messing with you baby.
His first gift for me was singing me awake Friday morning. I never had anybody sing to me while I slept. He made me breakfast and we had to separate because we had to go to class that morning.
Class. Oh yes, I remember my first class perfectly. I go to class and about 15 minutes in I see a person bring in a big cake and I'm like "Oh, my boyfriend didn't have to do this!" Luckily I waited a few seconds more so nobody would think it's for me. Come to find out that the cake has little guy inside. He sent me a little man stripper on our anniversary to class. I was so mortified. I prayed that he wouldn't notice me or come to me. The little guy can actually dance. When he finished, he left and we went back to class. I felt like I was the only one that noticed a little man stripping inside the classroom.
So when class was finally out my boyfriend had a limo pick us up. I wanted to do him right there on the spot. We went to this French restaurant that I never knew existed. It was so romantic. The lights were dimmed and they were playing this beautiful music. It was fun. After dinner we went to the beach. We walked on the beach barefoot and just talked and laughed. He kissed me and I kissed him back. One thing led to another and we ended up making love on the beach. It felt like a fairy tale.
We got back really late but we wanted to open the gifts we got each other before we went to sleep. He opened my gifts first. My first gift was him was edible underwear. It was a really stupid gift but I know he would love it. My second gift was an entertainment system. A big way to make up for the edible underwear.
Now my gifts. He got me The Little Mermaid. I'm such a kid at heart. I love that movie so much but I never got the chance to own it myself. His second gift for me was a ring. He had our names engraved on the band.
I've never been treated like this before. I didn't think people like this ever existed in real life. My anniversary day was the best day of my life. I can only imagine how amazing my second one will be.
His first gift for me was singing me awake Friday morning. I never had anybody sing to me while I slept. He made me breakfast and we had to separate because we had to go to class that morning.
Class. Oh yes, I remember my first class perfectly. I go to class and about 15 minutes in I see a person bring in a big cake and I'm like "Oh, my boyfriend didn't have to do this!" Luckily I waited a few seconds more so nobody would think it's for me. Come to find out that the cake has little guy inside. He sent me a little man stripper on our anniversary to class. I was so mortified. I prayed that he wouldn't notice me or come to me. The little guy can actually dance. When he finished, he left and we went back to class. I felt like I was the only one that noticed a little man stripping inside the classroom.
So when class was finally out my boyfriend had a limo pick us up. I wanted to do him right there on the spot. We went to this French restaurant that I never knew existed. It was so romantic. The lights were dimmed and they were playing this beautiful music. It was fun. After dinner we went to the beach. We walked on the beach barefoot and just talked and laughed. He kissed me and I kissed him back. One thing led to another and we ended up making love on the beach. It felt like a fairy tale.
We got back really late but we wanted to open the gifts we got each other before we went to sleep. He opened my gifts first. My first gift was him was edible underwear. It was a really stupid gift but I know he would love it. My second gift was an entertainment system. A big way to make up for the edible underwear.
Now my gifts. He got me The Little Mermaid. I'm such a kid at heart. I love that movie so much but I never got the chance to own it myself. His second gift for me was a ring. He had our names engraved on the band.
I've never been treated like this before. I didn't think people like this ever existed in real life. My anniversary day was the best day of my life. I can only imagine how amazing my second one will be.
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
My Nice Post
My boyfriend is thinking of what to give me on our one year anniversary and I was wondering what my dad gave my mom on their first year. What shocked me is that they remembered it exactly or they just forgot it and told me something fast but either way it was so romantic.
My dad took my mother to the biggest hangout in town. They devoted that entire day to each other. When night finally came, my dad proposed to her. He proposed to be with her forever. And it was just a year of dating. I cried for hours. I was tempted to go home and hug my daddy.
Some guys can be real jerks but some guys are just totally perfect for you. And that is what my mother has, and I think that's what I have.
My dad took my mother to the biggest hangout in town. They devoted that entire day to each other. When night finally came, my dad proposed to her. He proposed to be with her forever. And it was just a year of dating. I cried for hours. I was tempted to go home and hug my daddy.
Some guys can be real jerks but some guys are just totally perfect for you. And that is what my mother has, and I think that's what I have.
Thursday, October 05, 2006
I Can't Be A Mean Person
So my boyfriend finally opened his letter from his ex girlfriend. She wants him to come to her wedding so that she can get him arrested. I'm not a mean person but this bitch is getting on my last nerve. I swear, if I see this bitch walking down the street I'd fucking rip every single hair out of head.
I can't believe I said "fuck" on my blog. This is the first time I ever said that word here. EVERY FUCKING STRAND OF HAIR BITCH! Call me a bitch again!
OMG! I promise that I'll make a cleaner post tomorrow.
I can't believe I said "fuck" on my blog. This is the first time I ever said that word here. EVERY FUCKING STRAND OF HAIR BITCH! Call me a bitch again!
OMG! I promise that I'll make a cleaner post tomorrow.
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
Sunday, October 01, 2006
On The Outside Looking In
It's good to be back home. I had a great time helping. Lot of people never really want to just go out there and help a fellow person in need. Once you do it you feel so much better.If somebody contributed one day in their life to helping a person in need, it will do wonders not only for them but for the person they are helping.
That's why I called this post "On The Outside Looking In". The homeless are the people on the outside of life looking in on us, the people who don't care and just try to stay as far away from them possible, on the inside.
I became friends with one of the people I was helping. His name was Bobby. He lost his job and his wife and kids. We were able to get him in contact with his family. They are planning on meeting later on in October. He now even has a job. His birthday was yesterday. Happy Birthday Bobby. I know you don't have the internet or any form of communication but I know you'll get this message. Best of wishes to you and your family.
Monday, September 04, 2006
The Anomaly of the Blue Suit
Speaking as if I am the words. Knowing as if I even cared. You wear me. I glide against your smooth skin every single second of every single minute of every single hour. It was love at first sight. I had you eating out the palm of my hands. You'd love to hate me but I'd love to hate me too. People look and stare. They are jealous of I. I make you who you are. Without me, you'd be nothing but another pretty face. Without me, you'd be nothing. I made you and I can take it all away with just one loose string and I'm done, I'm gone. You'll never see the last of me. You never had me. You take me off and throw me on the "other blue" chair next to the "other blue" suit. I hate you. You forget me. Tisk tisk, what do we have here. I've gotten all dirty laying here getting filthy. I've been here for days yet you've haven't even touched me. You forgot me.
I never liked the suit. My mom gave it to me and I only wore it once. The only good I'd get out of that blue suit would be burning it and having it's warmth warm me up, and put a smile on my face.
I'll be going out of town Saturday for about two weeks for a group class project involving the homeless in select cities. We've been working on this for a long time and I can't wait for it to be over. It's a good study but it just gets depressing to see all the families living on the street.
Don't worry, he won't hurt you.
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
It's All I Ever Wanted
Is you loving me, naked
Is you all over me, naked
Is you holding me, naked
Is you wanting me, naked
Is you touching me, naked
Is you hot next to me, naked
Is you cooking for me, naked
Is you walking pass me, naked
Is you calling my name, naked
Is you laughing with me, naked
Is you crying next to me, naked
Is you making love to me, naked
Is you thinking about me, naked
Is you talking dirty to me, naked
Is you sleeping next to me, naked
Is you "happy" next to me, naked
Is you moaning next to me, naked
Is you sweating next to me, naked
Is you going fast next to me, naked
Is you going slow next to me, naked
Is you sitting here next to me, naked
Is you lusting for me next to me, naked
Is you loving what I have on me, naked
Is you and only you here with me, naked
Is you calling me and wanting me, naked
Is you wanting satisfaction with me, naked
Is you a million miles away from me, naked
Is you wearing only a grin next to me, naked
Is you planning on doing things to me, naked
Is you feeding me breakfast next to me, naked
Is you ripping off all your clothes for me, naked
Is you making me feel so good inside me, naked
Is you $">#%*$!#@^&^#)*$!! next to me, naked
Is you pouring nice smooth chocolate on me, naked
Is you coming home late and making love to me, naked
Is you feeling comfort in your emotions with me, naked
Is you angry at the world and really wanting me, naked
Is you going in your own world in bed next to me, naked
Is you forgetting about all the other girls before me, naked
Is you giving me the best time of my life next to me, naked
Is you getting to know me again and again each night, naked
Is you gliding your fingers across my back next to me, naked
Is you loving me in the middle of the street next to me, naked
Is you dropping hot candle wax on my body next to me, naked
Is you wanting more than just a one night stand with me, naked
Is you addicted to me so much that you can't stop touching me, naked
Is you thinking about what you are going to do tomorrow to me, naked
Is you all over me, naked
Is you holding me, naked
Is you wanting me, naked
Is you touching me, naked
Is you hot next to me, naked
Is you cooking for me, naked
Is you walking pass me, naked
Is you calling my name, naked
Is you laughing with me, naked
Is you crying next to me, naked
Is you making love to me, naked
Is you thinking about me, naked
Is you talking dirty to me, naked
Is you sleeping next to me, naked
Is you "happy" next to me, naked
Is you moaning next to me, naked
Is you sweating next to me, naked
Is you going fast next to me, naked
Is you going slow next to me, naked
Is you sitting here next to me, naked
Is you lusting for me next to me, naked
Is you loving what I have on me, naked
Is you and only you here with me, naked
Is you calling me and wanting me, naked
Is you wanting satisfaction with me, naked
Is you a million miles away from me, naked
Is you wearing only a grin next to me, naked
Is you planning on doing things to me, naked
Is you feeding me breakfast next to me, naked
Is you ripping off all your clothes for me, naked
Is you making me feel so good inside me, naked
Is you $">#%*$!#@^&^#)*$!! next to me, naked
Is you pouring nice smooth chocolate on me, naked
Is you coming home late and making love to me, naked
Is you feeling comfort in your emotions with me, naked
Is you angry at the world and really wanting me, naked
Is you going in your own world in bed next to me, naked
Is you forgetting about all the other girls before me, naked
Is you giving me the best time of my life next to me, naked
Is you getting to know me again and again each night, naked
Is you gliding your fingers across my back next to me, naked
Is you loving me in the middle of the street next to me, naked
Is you dropping hot candle wax on my body next to me, naked
Is you wanting more than just a one night stand with me, naked
Is you addicted to me so much that you can't stop touching me, naked
Is you thinking about what you are going to do tomorrow to me, naked
Monday, August 21, 2006
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
To Be 90 Pounds
I Feel Like This
I Want To Be This
I started my diet Monday. My goal is to be below 100 pounds. Just saying 100 pounds makes me sound fat. I was at 124 pounds this morning. I always considered myself too thin but I just can't help it. I look at myself in the mirror and I pick out imperfections. A little there and a little there. Too much here and too much there. Too much jiggle. Oh I hate myself for thinking this way. I know as soon as I get below 100 pounds I'll want to be thinner and I'll go through whatever I have to do to get there, even murder. Perhaps I should just strive for 115 so I can be healthy.
My boyfriend likes me the way I am but I just can't help to feel that he want's something more. I guess I'm a little self conscious about my body. I go in spurts (sounds like my sex life, lol) But I know I'll be over this weight thing soon. Because Fall is near and I can cover up and get as fat as I wanna be. I'll be walking bowling ball by time the New Year comes around, then HEEEELLLLLOOOOOO LIPO!!!!!
So here's to my future body!
I Want To Be This
I started my diet Monday. My goal is to be below 100 pounds. Just saying 100 pounds makes me sound fat. I was at 124 pounds this morning. I always considered myself too thin but I just can't help it. I look at myself in the mirror and I pick out imperfections. A little there and a little there. Too much here and too much there. Too much jiggle. Oh I hate myself for thinking this way. I know as soon as I get below 100 pounds I'll want to be thinner and I'll go through whatever I have to do to get there, even murder. Perhaps I should just strive for 115 so I can be healthy.My boyfriend likes me the way I am but I just can't help to feel that he want's something more. I guess I'm a little self conscious about my body. I go in spurts (sounds like my sex life, lol) But I know I'll be over this weight thing soon. Because Fall is near and I can cover up and get as fat as I wanna be. I'll be walking bowling ball by time the New Year comes around, then HEEEELLLLLOOOOOO LIPO!!!!!
So here's to my future body!
Monday, August 14, 2006
Boy, You'll Be A Woman Soon
I just watched Transamerica and I thought it was so beautiful. I had to watch it with my friends since you know who wouldn't be caught dead watching it.
Thursday, August 10, 2006
My Bastard Boyfriend and His Clone
I took my boyfriend to my parents house for this past weekend. Things were normal for the time we were there but things always seem to go bad when my brother and boyfriend are together.
Here's the story from how I hear it. My little brother is a very annoying kid but my boyfriend always gets along with him and always hangs out with my boyfriend as if they are best friends when he is here. This past weekend I had to leave early from my parents house for an emergency which is handled now but my boyfriend and my brother were having a good old time and my brother volunteered to take him back home the next day. That never happenend. In fact, my boyfriend is still there!
They both went to this party and got wasted. What I hear is that my brother was talking to a girl who was dating this guy and the guy found out and started threatening my brother. My boyfriend heard this and tried to stop the fight from starting and ended up getting punched in the face. My brother then grabbed a chair and slammed it on the guy's face. Then all hell broke loose. My boyfriend got back up and just starting beating the shit out of this guy that punched him. Now everybody is fighting. The fight ended with the cops coming in and arresting everybody there who refused to cooperate. Guess who were the few to refuse?
So my brother was at the local jail talking to police officers somewhat intoxicated, oh I forgot to mention. My brother is also underage so he was drunk and a minor at the same time. My boyfriend was at the hospital to fix his broken nose too drunk to remember anything. Getting this call from my parents was a great start to my Monday.
My brother is back at home and my boyfriend is still with at my house still a little dizzy, but I think he's afraid to come back home because he's afraid I might still be pissed off at this whole situation. What gave him that idea! So no word on him coming back today but most likely he'll be back some time this weekend since school starts back again soon. And to top it all off, my family and my boyfriend are totally o.k. about it? They are all getting along as if this never happened. They are all having fun! What the hell is going on down there!
I refuse to go back home to pick him up because I know that I will start an argument and end up looking like a total ass in front of everybody so when he's ready to come back, I'll be here, oh I will so be here waiting for him. But I'm calm. Boys will be boys. I've talked to both my boyfriend and brother about what happened and my boyfriend says that he didn't see my brother drinking and my brother tells me he only had one beer. I hate acting like I'm the parent when asking these questions but I swear, if I ever have boys for children, I'm going to have "the talk" with them long before they're teenagers.
Here's the story from how I hear it. My little brother is a very annoying kid but my boyfriend always gets along with him and always hangs out with my boyfriend as if they are best friends when he is here. This past weekend I had to leave early from my parents house for an emergency which is handled now but my boyfriend and my brother were having a good old time and my brother volunteered to take him back home the next day. That never happenend. In fact, my boyfriend is still there!
They both went to this party and got wasted. What I hear is that my brother was talking to a girl who was dating this guy and the guy found out and started threatening my brother. My boyfriend heard this and tried to stop the fight from starting and ended up getting punched in the face. My brother then grabbed a chair and slammed it on the guy's face. Then all hell broke loose. My boyfriend got back up and just starting beating the shit out of this guy that punched him. Now everybody is fighting. The fight ended with the cops coming in and arresting everybody there who refused to cooperate. Guess who were the few to refuse?
So my brother was at the local jail talking to police officers somewhat intoxicated, oh I forgot to mention. My brother is also underage so he was drunk and a minor at the same time. My boyfriend was at the hospital to fix his broken nose too drunk to remember anything. Getting this call from my parents was a great start to my Monday.
My brother is back at home and my boyfriend is still with at my house still a little dizzy, but I think he's afraid to come back home because he's afraid I might still be pissed off at this whole situation. What gave him that idea! So no word on him coming back today but most likely he'll be back some time this weekend since school starts back again soon. And to top it all off, my family and my boyfriend are totally o.k. about it? They are all getting along as if this never happened. They are all having fun! What the hell is going on down there!
I refuse to go back home to pick him up because I know that I will start an argument and end up looking like a total ass in front of everybody so when he's ready to come back, I'll be here, oh I will so be here waiting for him. But I'm calm. Boys will be boys. I've talked to both my boyfriend and brother about what happened and my boyfriend says that he didn't see my brother drinking and my brother tells me he only had one beer. I hate acting like I'm the parent when asking these questions but I swear, if I ever have boys for children, I'm going to have "the talk" with them long before they're teenagers.
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
Not My Lance!
I can't believe he's gay! She was probably paid to be his girlfriend! I guess I must mark one Nsync member off my stalking list. I cry a little but he could always be converted, by me hopefully. I should've known. The great dancing and the perfect hair, too good to be true. Before you know it, George Michael is gonna come out. Luckily he's still straight.
Monday, July 24, 2006
And No One Sheds A Tear
Abdul Hakeem Hussein, 7, of Fallujah, Iraq, who underwent reconstructive surgery in March at Children's Hospital of Pittsburgh, listens during a press conference after his final post-operative visit before heading home Monday, July 24, 2006, in Pittsburgh. Abdul lost his left eye, and his eyelid; eye socket; jaw; and cheek were injured in an April 2004 U.S. mortar attack that destroyed his home in Fallujah, Iraq. A prosthetic eye was fitted to replace the boy's damaged left eye.
That was taken from the news. I can't look at the picture without crying, but we all should have to look at it and know that this war and it's accidents are pointless. Why are we still over there? What else is left there to destroy! Is this the price innocent people have to pay to search for one person?!
I know what people are saying, "Accidents happen and it wasn't meant for him." But don't they know what area they are bombing before they attack? Didn't they notice homes around that area and that maybe there might be people inside these homes?
People will see this picture and say how sad and then a few minutes later they'll continue doing nothing as if it never happened. They think that suppressing the image will make it better or it never happened. But I can't. He will always be in my thoughts.
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
Don't Mind If I Fake It!
I consider myself an actress. Where's the fun if you can't add a few, "oh baby", "do it faster", "don't stop", "you're the best I've ever had".
My boyfriend before the sick bastard himself was a total asshole. He was a hot ass but still an asshole. I put up with the relationship because he was hot but the sex was just plain. Just so he wouldn't ask questions like, "how was I?" or "am I the best you ever had?", I would scream out all sorts of obscenities during sex. He appreciated it. I'd would only have sex at my place because some guys like to videotape the sex and show it to all their friends so I only had sex at my place. I put a mirror on the ceiling and another mirror further away so that it could reflect. So when the sex was bad I would turn on the TV and watch it on the mirror while "faking it". I had closed caption and everything. The sex would usually end within a couple of minutes and the guy would fall asleep for the rest of the night. Sometimes I would accidently laugh while I was having sex. I would try and cover it up with a loud moan.
When I was in high school I went out with the classic football jock guy. He was slow, but sweet. He took me to Wendy's on our first date. I have to admit, he tried. He brought a bouquet of broccoli with him to give to me. I didn't know if it was a joke or if he was serious. I smelled the broccoli and smiled. What was I doing here, I kept asking myself. Then I looked to his beautiful blue eyes and beautiful lips which opened and burped. I had it. I went into the bathroom and called my friend to pick me up. When she arrived I snuck out the door and ran to her car. I had the unfortunate displeasure of sleeping with him after drinking too much at a party a few weeks later. All I remember was his face turning red and his entire body starting to shake. I thought he was going to explode. I slowly started to grab something to knock him out but he finished whatever he was doing and fell on top of me. After that I must've passed out with all the weight on top of me. I think he followed a few seconds later. After spending most of the day in a bath I still felt like I smelled like him. I never drunk again for weeks. I could never look him in the face again. Just the thought of him naked on top of me was enough for me to give up on men and go lesbian. Never again.
One guy I dated was so cute. He was the deep emotional guy that never talked but looked so sexy. He would always take pictures of me. When I eventually made it to his place and I saw his bedroom I noticed that one side of his wall had all pictures of me and another side had a giant painted picture of me. Romantic? a little. Creepy? oh yeah. He told me that he needs to experience this relationship on a deeper physical level. Funny, all guys seem to say that? Besides the pictures, he had cartoon character sheets. I was flattered and I told him that I can't be with a guy this infatuated with me. He said ok and I walked out. The next day I noticed him following me taking pictures of me. This lasted for about a week. I knew the break up was too easy. I eventually kicked him in the nads and he got the message.
But my boyfriend, I have to say I never had to fake it. He's perfect and I wouldn't change a thing, except his hair.
I have a million stories from all my friends that are so funny. I'll get around to posting some of them eventually.
My boyfriend before the sick bastard himself was a total asshole. He was a hot ass but still an asshole. I put up with the relationship because he was hot but the sex was just plain. Just so he wouldn't ask questions like, "how was I?" or "am I the best you ever had?", I would scream out all sorts of obscenities during sex. He appreciated it. I'd would only have sex at my place because some guys like to videotape the sex and show it to all their friends so I only had sex at my place. I put a mirror on the ceiling and another mirror further away so that it could reflect. So when the sex was bad I would turn on the TV and watch it on the mirror while "faking it". I had closed caption and everything. The sex would usually end within a couple of minutes and the guy would fall asleep for the rest of the night. Sometimes I would accidently laugh while I was having sex. I would try and cover it up with a loud moan.
When I was in high school I went out with the classic football jock guy. He was slow, but sweet. He took me to Wendy's on our first date. I have to admit, he tried. He brought a bouquet of broccoli with him to give to me. I didn't know if it was a joke or if he was serious. I smelled the broccoli and smiled. What was I doing here, I kept asking myself. Then I looked to his beautiful blue eyes and beautiful lips which opened and burped. I had it. I went into the bathroom and called my friend to pick me up. When she arrived I snuck out the door and ran to her car. I had the unfortunate displeasure of sleeping with him after drinking too much at a party a few weeks later. All I remember was his face turning red and his entire body starting to shake. I thought he was going to explode. I slowly started to grab something to knock him out but he finished whatever he was doing and fell on top of me. After that I must've passed out with all the weight on top of me. I think he followed a few seconds later. After spending most of the day in a bath I still felt like I smelled like him. I never drunk again for weeks. I could never look him in the face again. Just the thought of him naked on top of me was enough for me to give up on men and go lesbian. Never again.
One guy I dated was so cute. He was the deep emotional guy that never talked but looked so sexy. He would always take pictures of me. When I eventually made it to his place and I saw his bedroom I noticed that one side of his wall had all pictures of me and another side had a giant painted picture of me. Romantic? a little. Creepy? oh yeah. He told me that he needs to experience this relationship on a deeper physical level. Funny, all guys seem to say that? Besides the pictures, he had cartoon character sheets. I was flattered and I told him that I can't be with a guy this infatuated with me. He said ok and I walked out. The next day I noticed him following me taking pictures of me. This lasted for about a week. I knew the break up was too easy. I eventually kicked him in the nads and he got the message.
But my boyfriend, I have to say I never had to fake it. He's perfect and I wouldn't change a thing, except his hair.
I have a million stories from all my friends that are so funny. I'll get around to posting some of them eventually.
Friday, July 07, 2006
Sorry, But I Have Standards
My boyfriend and I went out to a resturant the other night to eat. When we got there we saw a dead body being taken out. He, of course, didn't mind it but I thought that was just sick. How can you eat food casually right after a person dies inside the same resturant? It didn't phase my boyfriend. He knew how angry I was getting and we left to go to another restuarant. It was great. I enjoyed the food and I think he got a little sick after eating it. But morally things were ok.
Monday, July 03, 2006
OMG! I LOVE THIS!
I remember being in high school or middle school, so long ago, and so loving this song. I'm still in the process of getting more of my stuff from back home and I found my Backstreet Boys CD and it brought back so many memories. I knew all the dance moves. Let me check to see if I still know it..............oh yeah, I'm still cool, like I was ever worried about that.
Now every time my boyfriend clicks on my blog he's going be greeted with BSB! I'm calling all my friends right now so we can have a BSB sleepover like we used to. Aaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!! You don't know how happy I am for something so small, AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! I so need to stop this.
Back when I was teenage drama queen, me and my fellow BSB entourage all made this diagram of the boyband formula. Every boyband had to have a bad boy, shy quiet type, ugly but cool one, the extremely hot one, and the one everybody hates but you keep him in the group because you feel sorry for him. My favorite backstreet was Kevin. I lusted after him so much. When he got older and got the mustache and beard going on, I went crazy! I wouldn't mind popping out a few kids for him. *wink, wink* But I can't because I have an anti-boyband boyfriend. He might get upset if a backstreet boy gets me pregnant. Talk about awkward.
I'm not even as big of a pop music fan as I used to be. Pop has been dead lately anyways so I moved on to rock. I am officially a rocker chick now, well BSB will just be our little secret. And don't get me started on Nsync! Justin Timberlake!!!!!!! I'll save that for another day.
I can't believe I'm acting like this. Don't worry, I'll be back to my usual self within a few days.
Sunday, July 02, 2006
Dear Diary: Destroy Her Emotionally
I found one of my old diaries from a while back and I was just thinking back. I read over a story that I wrote when I was 16 that really shocked me. I felt like I was reading a total strangers diary.
I'll admit that I have a very small temper nowadays, but when I was 16 I had this person that I could not stand. She would purposely try to ruin my day and my friends day every day. So on November 18th me and my friends were planning on getting her back. We wanted to copy the scene from Carrie where all the pig's blood falls on Carrie. Before I go any further, I'm so not like this anymore, as much. I'll just write what I wrote below:
I'll admit that I have a very small temper nowadays, but when I was 16 I had this person that I could not stand. She would purposely try to ruin my day and my friends day every day. So on November 18th me and my friends were planning on getting her back. We wanted to copy the scene from Carrie where all the pig's blood falls on Carrie. Before I go any further, I'm so not like this anymore, as much. I'll just write what I wrote below:
Dear Life, it's November 18th and I'm getting my revenge today on a girl who has
took and ruined everything I hold emotionally. Therefore, I must destroy
her emotionally. My friends and I are skipping school today to get the
supplies and plan it. We are going to redo our own version of Carrie
on her. I can't wait to see the look on her face after this.
Dear Life, it's November 19th and the plan of Operation Bitch Destroy, didn't
work out as planned. Jennifer backed out and the other girls starting
backing out after her. When you want things done, you just have to do them
yourself. Their is no way I could do this all by myself. What was I
going to do with all this paint? (We couldn't do the blood thing because it
looked too sick)Her mommy and daddy just bought princess a new car
a few months ago for her birthday. The bitch did say in my face that she
did key my car so I feel it's just right to get revenge on her car. I asked to be excused during class so I could do it while nobody is there. So I got the red paint
out of Jennifer's car and started dumping it all over her car. When it was
all finish, her car looked totally fucked up. I was so tempted to bash in
her windows but the alarm would've went off for sure.We all waited after school just to see the bitches reaction to it. When
she came out and saw everybody staring at her car, she ran and saw it.
Somebody used spray paint and wrote "WHORE" on the side. Nice touch but I
had nothing to do with that. She was so fucking pissed. She screamed
and yelled our names. I stood up to the bitch and asked her what the fuck
was she gonna do? She turned her back and quickly turned around to punch
me. Then my friends jumped in to fight, then everybody in the parking lot
starting fighting for no apparent reason. The teachers came out tried to
break it up. Cops started coming too so we jumped in Jennifer's car and
drove off.
My parents paid for the damages and grounded me for most of the year. I have to say that the girl never bothered me again. I feel so horrible about the whole situation now. I knew I was a bitch in high school but damn! That's just plain cruel and unusual.
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
Shadow
Walking down the shallow valley I feel the sun setting on my back
I listen to nature whispering it's enchanted voice and I hear
I hear silence. The world around me has now stopped.
We saw each other again as if it was the first time.
Oh how I love you.
You created my love and I destroyed your hate.
I dare to love you again.
My heart falls for you and dies for you. I will die for you.
I'll have to decide.
Nonchalant I walk further down the valley with the sun on my back
And the darkness in front of me.
I must chose the light or chose the dark.
It's getting late.
Creatures of the night begin to free themselves from the light.
It's a whole new world and I'm the stranger.
Silence begins to fade and the image that was once in front of me
Has now hidden itself with the dark.
I can not see anymore.
I slowly walk back trying to get a grip on reality
And trying to escape nothing.
I am not lost and not found.
I drop to my knees and whisper to myself,
"Is it real or just my imagination"
Then something grabs my shoulder.
I'm not scared, for I knew it was coming for me.
I close my eyes and turn around to face the stranger.
I open them very slowy and look up towards its face.
Nobody is there.
I hear silence again
And I hear footsteps.
I stand up and start running towards the last light
But darkness is catching up with me.
The footsteps are getting louder.
I run faster as the footsteps get louder.
I hear an echo of loud whispers.
I hear somebody calling my name!
I see the light!
I can feel the stranger's breath on my neck!
I scream as I try to run faster!
I reach the porch light and the mystery figure is right beside me!
I grab something to try and hit it but nothing is hurting it!
Then I realized that it was just my shadow again.
I listen to nature whispering it's enchanted voice and I hear
I hear silence. The world around me has now stopped.
We saw each other again as if it was the first time.
Oh how I love you.
You created my love and I destroyed your hate.
I dare to love you again.
My heart falls for you and dies for you. I will die for you.
I'll have to decide.
Nonchalant I walk further down the valley with the sun on my back
And the darkness in front of me.
I must chose the light or chose the dark.
It's getting late.
Creatures of the night begin to free themselves from the light.
It's a whole new world and I'm the stranger.
Silence begins to fade and the image that was once in front of me
Has now hidden itself with the dark.
I can not see anymore.
I slowly walk back trying to get a grip on reality
And trying to escape nothing.
I am not lost and not found.
I drop to my knees and whisper to myself,
"Is it real or just my imagination"
Then something grabs my shoulder.
I'm not scared, for I knew it was coming for me.
I close my eyes and turn around to face the stranger.
I open them very slowy and look up towards its face.
Nobody is there.
I hear silence again
And I hear footsteps.
I stand up and start running towards the last light
But darkness is catching up with me.
The footsteps are getting louder.
I run faster as the footsteps get louder.
I hear an echo of loud whispers.
I hear somebody calling my name!
I see the light!
I can feel the stranger's breath on my neck!
I scream as I try to run faster!
I reach the porch light and the mystery figure is right beside me!
I grab something to try and hit it but nothing is hurting it!
Then I realized that it was just my shadow again.
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
All Mine!
I've saw this outfit I just had to get today and it was the last one there. This slut was looking at the same thing and she wanted it too. I clearly was there first and at first we just laughed at the situation on how we both wanted that top. So I went to grab it and she went to grab it too. I said excuse me miss, but I saw this first. She proceeded to pull it out my hand. I then said excuse me bitch, but I saw this first! Then she tried to slap me! What did I do to deserve a slap?! By this time, the elderly cashier came by to try and stop it. I wasn't leaving without getting this top that I clearly saw first. I told the slut that either I take this top or I will kick the living shit out of you. But she didn't back off! The cashier told us that they had another top in the back.
I felt like an idiot. I gave the slut the top that is already warn out by us pulling on it and I went to get the extra top. So now the slut wanted that top now! I was like, fuck it! Take the damn shirt! She took it and I walked out the door. I learned a lesson today. No top is worth fighting for unless you know you could win the fight. She was about 500 pounds heavier than I was, and she could clearly not even fit her thick fingers inside the shirt and I didn't feel like explaining to my boyfriend why I got a black eye today. I think it was for her daughter. I felt kind of bad now. For a kid to have an ass of a mother like that.
I felt like an idiot. I gave the slut the top that is already warn out by us pulling on it and I went to get the extra top. So now the slut wanted that top now! I was like, fuck it! Take the damn shirt! She took it and I walked out the door. I learned a lesson today. No top is worth fighting for unless you know you could win the fight. She was about 500 pounds heavier than I was, and she could clearly not even fit her thick fingers inside the shirt and I didn't feel like explaining to my boyfriend why I got a black eye today. I think it was for her daughter. I felt kind of bad now. For a kid to have an ass of a mother like that.
Monday, June 19, 2006
I Love You Daddy!
Sorry for the day late post of Father's Day.
My dad spoiled me all through out life. He definetly treated me like the favorite. But this isn't my day, it's his.....yesterday.
My boyfriend went home to see his father and I drove home to see my father. His dad called my dad to talk about us and how much he thinks I'm a great influence on his son. Of course my dad didn't tell me this until last night. Oh I can't wait to rub it in his face when he wakes up.
All I would like to say is thank you Dad for being the Dad I always wanted to have. You taught me all the right things to help me in my life today and I really appreciate it with all my heart. I love you.
My dad spoiled me all through out life. He definetly treated me like the favorite. But this isn't my day, it's his.....yesterday.
My boyfriend went home to see his father and I drove home to see my father. His dad called my dad to talk about us and how much he thinks I'm a great influence on his son. Of course my dad didn't tell me this until last night. Oh I can't wait to rub it in his face when he wakes up.
All I would like to say is thank you Dad for being the Dad I always wanted to have. You taught me all the right things to help me in my life today and I really appreciate it with all my heart. I love you.
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
Going Away!
Jake is supposed to leave on Friday so things will slowly get back to normal. Boyfriend came back briefly last night and left out this morning early. Makes me wonder what they are doing?
Well I have enjoyed some quiet time to myself and having a lot of movie parties with my best friends while he is away because I know he hates it.
Well I have enjoyed some quiet time to myself and having a lot of movie parties with my best friends while he is away because I know he hates it.
Monday, June 12, 2006
I'm Getting Pissed!
Oh I hate Jake so much right now. He still isn't back and I'm getting more and more pissed off by the second. At least he called this morning saying that he is ok but he can not come home right now. Puts all sorts of thoughts through my mind wondering what is going on where he "can not come home now." I'm beyond pissed!
Sunday, June 11, 2006
They're Missing!
My boyfriend and his friend went out for some drinks and they never came back. I tried to call them but the phone is dead. I knew I should've went with them. I checked my messages this morning and I heard my boyfriend say that he might be a little late and then he got disconnected. It sounded like a fight in the background but I couldn't hear much. Right now Jake is on my B.F.F.H. (BAD FRIEND FOR HIM) list. Some of his friends are great while some of his other friends scare me a little. Jake is definetly a bad one. By the way things are going now, it doesn't look like he'll be in a talking mood when he comes back.
Thursday, June 08, 2006
Baby Got Back
I never considered myself as a girl who goes crazy over her weight but today I noticed my ass is getting HUGE! I refuse to ask my boyfriend what he thinks because no matter what he says I'll think it's negative. That's why I'll await his comment here so he has time to think about what he says before he says it.
And to make things worst, I felt as if the world was turning against me. I bent over to pick something up and my pants ripped. I was mortified! Out of all days for this to happen, why today! But it gave me a reason to buy more jeans. I turned on the radio and the first song to come on after my favorite song is Sir Mix A Lot's, Baby Got Back song. Whoever is ruining my day is doing a great job of it so far. These kids were laughing behind me so I turned around to see what they were laughing at. Apparently somebody had fallen down by the bathroom. I was relieved it wasn't me they weren't laughing at. And of course the guy that fell shouldn't be laughed at either but my day already sucks why not his! I felt as if everybody was staring at me. Normally I would love the attention but not that kind of attention. Maybe I'm just looking too much into this. I've stayed the same size for years and I had those jeans for years, it was just a matter of time for them to rip.
My boyfriend's friend is supposed to come by this weekend to hang out for awhile. I heard all the stories about him so I wonder if he lives up to his legend. Just in case, I made sure to be away from the trouble makers as much as possible. One sick bastard is enough, now make it two? I might as well just prepare for a hellish few days.
And to make things worst, I felt as if the world was turning against me. I bent over to pick something up and my pants ripped. I was mortified! Out of all days for this to happen, why today! But it gave me a reason to buy more jeans. I turned on the radio and the first song to come on after my favorite song is Sir Mix A Lot's, Baby Got Back song. Whoever is ruining my day is doing a great job of it so far. These kids were laughing behind me so I turned around to see what they were laughing at. Apparently somebody had fallen down by the bathroom. I was relieved it wasn't me they weren't laughing at. And of course the guy that fell shouldn't be laughed at either but my day already sucks why not his! I felt as if everybody was staring at me. Normally I would love the attention but not that kind of attention. Maybe I'm just looking too much into this. I've stayed the same size for years and I had those jeans for years, it was just a matter of time for them to rip.
My boyfriend's friend is supposed to come by this weekend to hang out for awhile. I heard all the stories about him so I wonder if he lives up to his legend. Just in case, I made sure to be away from the trouble makers as much as possible. One sick bastard is enough, now make it two? I might as well just prepare for a hellish few days.
Monday, June 05, 2006
a beautiful stranger
i'm back from the wedding that happened during this past weekend.
i met friends that i haven't seen in months. my boyfriend even enjoyed himself. and now the beautiful stranger......
we arrived at the hotel saturday morning just before dawn. we were greeted and taken to our room. my boyfriend decided to sleep in since he drove. i was fully awake and ready to "play tourist" in this area I have never been before. i get dressed, putting on my favorite jeans and my pearl colored shirt. i decided to wear my hair down today. i walk to the elevator and press the down button. i drop my sunglasses accidently when the elevator door opens. as i slowly move up i see a beautiful stranger looking back at me. he holds the elevator door for me as if I'm "somebody". i walk inside the elevator and we both are speechless. he introduces himself as Marcello. he has an accent that sounds a little italian. he has blue eyes and his hair is dark brown. he wears his hair trimmed on the side but falling slightly over his left eye as if he is hiding something. he is dressed up in a suit so I assume he's important or is going somewhere special. i introduce myself to him and tell him that i'm here for a wedding. he has this somewhat disappointed look on his face and then the elevator stops. we are back in the lobby. he shakes my hand tells me it was a pleasure to meet me. he then pulls his hair away from his left eye as he kisses my right hand. i felt the world has stopped just for me.
the wedding was on sunday so we had to go to another rehearsal. during our constant chit chat about each other's boyfriends/husbands, i decided to share my story to them about the beautiful stranger. they were all so fascinated. they told me i should've took him right there on the elevator. but i am a lady and elevators have security cameras. oh and i already HAVE a wonderful boyfriend that i wouldn't want to ever go away. so rehearsals are over and now it's time for the bachelorette party. one of the girls was talking about the movie dot the i and how the girl in that movie had all her friends dress up like guys with the tux and a mustache in the movie and how the bachelorette had to choose one guy in the restaurant to have one last single kiss that would mean the world to her. we thought it was a good idea so we did it. the restaurant was just around the block from my hotel so it wasn't that far. my boyfriend went to the bachelor party. the restaurant looked incredible. there was singing and dancing and so much love in the air. we told the waiter what we were doing and he was aware of the situation. he made an announcement to everybody at the restaurant that my friend is getting married and she gets to choose one man to kiss. as he was saying that, the beautiful stranger came out of the back still dressed in his suit. my friend who was getting married looked all around the restaurant to see which guy to give that one last kiss to. i tried to avoid eye contact with Marcello but she noticed that i was looking at him. she looked at him and then she looked at me. it was as if she was trying to get my approval to kiss this total stranger. i nodded my head lightly to her and she pointed at Marcello. Marcello then walked over towards us. his shirt was slightly unbuttoned at the top and at the bottom. his hair was still over his left eye just showing us his right dark blue eye. he looked at me once more and kissed her. it felt like a knife has just been stabbed through my heart. but why am I jealous? i don't even know this beautiful stud that is hot and sexy that has the face of an angel blue eyed stranger. is that I imagined him kissing me instead of her? they kissed for what seemed like an eternity. he gently held her head with his left hand and slowly guided it down her back and then he slowly moved back with his eyes still closed as if he was holding on to a memory. my friend still had her eyes closed when he finished. he kissed her on the cheek and waved to us goodbye and walked away. he stopped about half way and turned around to look at me and turned back around to go in the back. i told them all that he was the guy i was talking about.
it's way past 3 in the morning. we went to all these clubs all night and i was so tired. when i finally entered the hotel the guy at the desk motioned for me to come over. he had a note for me. when i opened the note, it was a short poem.
ever words can describe your beauty
never words can destroy your beauty
it then gave a time and a place. sunday at 12 p.m. behind the yard. i didn't know what yard he was talking about.
there was no way i could make that. why would even consider making that being in a relationship already and going to a friend's wedding that same day! 2 people would kill me for even considering that!
i go back to my room and my boyfriend isn't back yet. i look at the clock and it's past 4 so i assume he's still having fun. i fall asleep straight on the bed. i wake up with my boyfriend's arms around me. i am home. we overslept. i was supposed to be getting my bridesmaid dress on an hour ago. i jump out of bed accidently punching my boyfriend in the face. i busted his lip and he's bleeding. while i'm trying to stop his bleeding i grab my cellphone to see that i have 82 new messages. i feel like i just hurt my friend by showing up late for her wedding. we rush to the elevator but the elevator is taking too long so we take the stairs. why did we have to be on the 8th floor? out of breath and looking at our car basically out of gas. we or should i say i panic, he could careless about the wedding. we get a taxi and on my way i check the messages. each one getting angrier than the other. i then call my friend to tell her that we are on our way.
we finally get there and my boyfriend is taken to one side of the building to get dressed and i'm in the bride's room getting dress. i hear the father's bride talking to the guest and stalls the wedding by telling the guests that the bride is in the crapper. everybody laughs and the bride screams DADDY! i apologize from the bottom of my heart trying not to laugh. it's now time for the wedding.
as i walk out i see my boyfriend with his busted lip trying not to laugh too. we all take our places and the flower girl comes out. all the bridesmaids laugh.
dearly beloved
and they kissed. it was so beautiful. i couldn't stop crying then i looked at the clock in the front seeing that it was about 20 minutes until 12. maybe in another life things would've been different.
it's now the wedding party. we went behind the church to this big setup that looked so romantic. there were ice sculptures of birds and people singing. it was like a dream. my friend played the recording of all the bridesmaids getting the annoucement that they were chosen to be the flower girl. it was all so much fun. then the worst thing that could possibly happen happened . . . Marcello.
turns out that Marcello is manager and son of the owner of the restaurant who is also catering this wedding. what are the chances. it's like he knew that i'd blow him off (that sounded so dirty). it all started making sense to me now. the yard was the church yard. it was just before 1 p.m. he even almost pin pointed the exact time. i was scared but very impressed. when i saw him i turned my head and tried to avoid looking at him. i saw him from the corner of my eye running towards me. i felt like i was in a movie, not the porno kind but the ones that we all dream off when the guy comes running towards you in a non serial killer kind of way. my boyfriend is already long gone with the other guys talking about sex no doubt. Marcello calls out my name and i act like can't hear him as i slowly walk towards my boyfriend. but Marcello catches me before I could even get close. his hair is cut now. i can see both his dark blue eyes. he asks me if i can go with him to talk a little. it's tempting but i told him that i couldn't leave my friend on her wedding. i told him that my boyfriend is here also. Marcello then told me that if i didn't want to go with him then to tell him right now. i told him that i made it perfectly clear that i didn't want to go with you in so many words already. by this time my boyfriend has caught wind of what's going on and he walks over with the look of manslaughter on his face. my hero! but then i thought that this actually might be a bad thing. my boyfriend looks back at me and sees that i'm motioning to him that i got it handled and he walks on by to grab a drink. Marcello didn't even notice, the sexy hot bastard.
Marcello eventually realizes i'm not interested and gives me one last glance with what looks like he was near tears and walks away. i felt like i broke the heart of an angel. i felt like i was the worst person in the world. i shouldn't have led him on. who knows, he might've just wanted to be my friend.......nah, probably not. my other friends walked towards him like vultures about to strike but he didn't care. he grabbed his coat and left never to be seen again.
We leave and arrive back home really early in the morning. I can't sleep so I wrote this. It's dawn already.
what are chances that Marcello is reading this? if you ever read this Marcello, do know that I never meant to hurt you in any way and that we were never meant to be.
i'm reading this out loud to my boyfriend who is on the bed silent but listening to every single word i say. oh now he's turing the TV on. and now he's putting in a porno. and now he's turning the volume way up. ok, now i gotta kick his ass.
goodbye Marcello.
i met friends that i haven't seen in months. my boyfriend even enjoyed himself. and now the beautiful stranger......
we arrived at the hotel saturday morning just before dawn. we were greeted and taken to our room. my boyfriend decided to sleep in since he drove. i was fully awake and ready to "play tourist" in this area I have never been before. i get dressed, putting on my favorite jeans and my pearl colored shirt. i decided to wear my hair down today. i walk to the elevator and press the down button. i drop my sunglasses accidently when the elevator door opens. as i slowly move up i see a beautiful stranger looking back at me. he holds the elevator door for me as if I'm "somebody". i walk inside the elevator and we both are speechless. he introduces himself as Marcello. he has an accent that sounds a little italian. he has blue eyes and his hair is dark brown. he wears his hair trimmed on the side but falling slightly over his left eye as if he is hiding something. he is dressed up in a suit so I assume he's important or is going somewhere special. i introduce myself to him and tell him that i'm here for a wedding. he has this somewhat disappointed look on his face and then the elevator stops. we are back in the lobby. he shakes my hand tells me it was a pleasure to meet me. he then pulls his hair away from his left eye as he kisses my right hand. i felt the world has stopped just for me.
the wedding was on sunday so we had to go to another rehearsal. during our constant chit chat about each other's boyfriends/husbands, i decided to share my story to them about the beautiful stranger. they were all so fascinated. they told me i should've took him right there on the elevator. but i am a lady and elevators have security cameras. oh and i already HAVE a wonderful boyfriend that i wouldn't want to ever go away. so rehearsals are over and now it's time for the bachelorette party. one of the girls was talking about the movie dot the i and how the girl in that movie had all her friends dress up like guys with the tux and a mustache in the movie and how the bachelorette had to choose one guy in the restaurant to have one last single kiss that would mean the world to her. we thought it was a good idea so we did it. the restaurant was just around the block from my hotel so it wasn't that far. my boyfriend went to the bachelor party. the restaurant looked incredible. there was singing and dancing and so much love in the air. we told the waiter what we were doing and he was aware of the situation. he made an announcement to everybody at the restaurant that my friend is getting married and she gets to choose one man to kiss. as he was saying that, the beautiful stranger came out of the back still dressed in his suit. my friend who was getting married looked all around the restaurant to see which guy to give that one last kiss to. i tried to avoid eye contact with Marcello but she noticed that i was looking at him. she looked at him and then she looked at me. it was as if she was trying to get my approval to kiss this total stranger. i nodded my head lightly to her and she pointed at Marcello. Marcello then walked over towards us. his shirt was slightly unbuttoned at the top and at the bottom. his hair was still over his left eye just showing us his right dark blue eye. he looked at me once more and kissed her. it felt like a knife has just been stabbed through my heart. but why am I jealous? i don't even know this beautiful stud that is hot and sexy that has the face of an angel blue eyed stranger. is that I imagined him kissing me instead of her? they kissed for what seemed like an eternity. he gently held her head with his left hand and slowly guided it down her back and then he slowly moved back with his eyes still closed as if he was holding on to a memory. my friend still had her eyes closed when he finished. he kissed her on the cheek and waved to us goodbye and walked away. he stopped about half way and turned around to look at me and turned back around to go in the back. i told them all that he was the guy i was talking about.
it's way past 3 in the morning. we went to all these clubs all night and i was so tired. when i finally entered the hotel the guy at the desk motioned for me to come over. he had a note for me. when i opened the note, it was a short poem.
ever words can describe your beauty
never words can destroy your beauty
it then gave a time and a place. sunday at 12 p.m. behind the yard. i didn't know what yard he was talking about.
there was no way i could make that. why would even consider making that being in a relationship already and going to a friend's wedding that same day! 2 people would kill me for even considering that!
i go back to my room and my boyfriend isn't back yet. i look at the clock and it's past 4 so i assume he's still having fun. i fall asleep straight on the bed. i wake up with my boyfriend's arms around me. i am home. we overslept. i was supposed to be getting my bridesmaid dress on an hour ago. i jump out of bed accidently punching my boyfriend in the face. i busted his lip and he's bleeding. while i'm trying to stop his bleeding i grab my cellphone to see that i have 82 new messages. i feel like i just hurt my friend by showing up late for her wedding. we rush to the elevator but the elevator is taking too long so we take the stairs. why did we have to be on the 8th floor? out of breath and looking at our car basically out of gas. we or should i say i panic, he could careless about the wedding. we get a taxi and on my way i check the messages. each one getting angrier than the other. i then call my friend to tell her that we are on our way.
we finally get there and my boyfriend is taken to one side of the building to get dressed and i'm in the bride's room getting dress. i hear the father's bride talking to the guest and stalls the wedding by telling the guests that the bride is in the crapper. everybody laughs and the bride screams DADDY! i apologize from the bottom of my heart trying not to laugh. it's now time for the wedding.
as i walk out i see my boyfriend with his busted lip trying not to laugh too. we all take our places and the flower girl comes out. all the bridesmaids laugh.
dearly beloved
and they kissed. it was so beautiful. i couldn't stop crying then i looked at the clock in the front seeing that it was about 20 minutes until 12. maybe in another life things would've been different.
it's now the wedding party. we went behind the church to this big setup that looked so romantic. there were ice sculptures of birds and people singing. it was like a dream. my friend played the recording of all the bridesmaids getting the annoucement that they were chosen to be the flower girl. it was all so much fun. then the worst thing that could possibly happen happened . . . Marcello.
turns out that Marcello is manager and son of the owner of the restaurant who is also catering this wedding. what are the chances. it's like he knew that i'd blow him off (that sounded so dirty). it all started making sense to me now. the yard was the church yard. it was just before 1 p.m. he even almost pin pointed the exact time. i was scared but very impressed. when i saw him i turned my head and tried to avoid looking at him. i saw him from the corner of my eye running towards me. i felt like i was in a movie, not the porno kind but the ones that we all dream off when the guy comes running towards you in a non serial killer kind of way. my boyfriend is already long gone with the other guys talking about sex no doubt. Marcello calls out my name and i act like can't hear him as i slowly walk towards my boyfriend. but Marcello catches me before I could even get close. his hair is cut now. i can see both his dark blue eyes. he asks me if i can go with him to talk a little. it's tempting but i told him that i couldn't leave my friend on her wedding. i told him that my boyfriend is here also. Marcello then told me that if i didn't want to go with him then to tell him right now. i told him that i made it perfectly clear that i didn't want to go with you in so many words already. by this time my boyfriend has caught wind of what's going on and he walks over with the look of manslaughter on his face. my hero! but then i thought that this actually might be a bad thing. my boyfriend looks back at me and sees that i'm motioning to him that i got it handled and he walks on by to grab a drink. Marcello didn't even notice, the sexy hot bastard.
Marcello eventually realizes i'm not interested and gives me one last glance with what looks like he was near tears and walks away. i felt like i broke the heart of an angel. i felt like i was the worst person in the world. i shouldn't have led him on. who knows, he might've just wanted to be my friend.......nah, probably not. my other friends walked towards him like vultures about to strike but he didn't care. he grabbed his coat and left never to be seen again.
We leave and arrive back home really early in the morning. I can't sleep so I wrote this. It's dawn already.
what are chances that Marcello is reading this? if you ever read this Marcello, do know that I never meant to hurt you in any way and that we were never meant to be.
i'm reading this out loud to my boyfriend who is on the bed silent but listening to every single word i say. oh now he's turing the TV on. and now he's putting in a porno. and now he's turning the volume way up. ok, now i gotta kick his ass.
goodbye Marcello.
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
The Wedding
Well this weekend I'm going to "The Wedding". I don't know if I blogged it earlier but I'll tell it again. My friend is getting married and she called me to be the flower girl. I'm in my twenties therefore I believe I'm too old. It turned out to be a pranked and she recorded all the bridesmaids conversation to play at the wedding as a joke.
Well the wedding is coming up this weekend. We've been through so many rehearsals that I can't stand anymore. We are wearing this light pink dress with a pink flower in our hair. It's going to be Hawaiian themed except it will be in New Jersey. If you close your eyes and hold your breath it could be?
It's gonna last the entire weekend. I'm trying to get my boyfriend to go but he's anti happy people so I'm dragging him along anyways. He left town yesterday to hang out with an old friend for awhile. Normally I would get really ticked off if a boyfriend told me that but I know he's not going to try anything. But he better be back by Thursday afternoon or else.
Well the wedding is coming up this weekend. We've been through so many rehearsals that I can't stand anymore. We are wearing this light pink dress with a pink flower in our hair. It's going to be Hawaiian themed except it will be in New Jersey. If you close your eyes and hold your breath it could be?
It's gonna last the entire weekend. I'm trying to get my boyfriend to go but he's anti happy people so I'm dragging him along anyways. He left town yesterday to hang out with an old friend for awhile. Normally I would get really ticked off if a boyfriend told me that but I know he's not going to try anything. But he better be back by Thursday afternoon or else.
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
I See.
I went to a Jeff Buckley Tribute last night and it was so great! The show lasted for just over 3 hours. There were no lights at all, just candles lit all around the room. It was so calm and serene. Everybody there was a true fan of the Buckley. There wasn't a dry eye in the room. My boyfriend even got a little emotional but he denied it all the way.
If I had to pick one CD to survive on for the rest of my life it would so be his Grace CD. The CD sets the mood for everything: driving on a Sunday afternoon, going to sleep on, rocking out and just thinking about the good times. I plan on giving my tribute to Jeff Buckley every year with my boyfriend has been doing.
Peace and Love,
A Jeff Buckley Fan
If I had to pick one CD to survive on for the rest of my life it would so be his Grace CD. The CD sets the mood for everything: driving on a Sunday afternoon, going to sleep on, rocking out and just thinking about the good times. I plan on giving my tribute to Jeff Buckley every year with my boyfriend has been doing.
Peace and Love,
A Jeff Buckley Fan
Monday, May 22, 2006
My Psychotic Lover
My boyfriend is going though a real tough time nowadays. He told me some of the details but he doesn't talk about it much. He has his good days when he's like the best guy to hang out with and then he has his days when he's sad and when he's sad he gets really depressed. This is all involving May 29. He said he'll tell me everything on that day. He feels that it would be better for him to just let him deal with it and work it out. He's stubborn but you gotta love him.
Sunday, May 07, 2006
Just An Update, Nothing Serious
The whole changing my hair color didn't last long. I changed it back a few days later. My boyfriend and I had a "disagreement" about eating behind one another. He wrote his version of the story on his blog but the way I see it is that I didn't not ask him to eat it. He grabbed it himself and ate it. Then he had the nerve to blow his breath at me when I wrote the note on his breakfast that I might've wiped my ass with the food. I guess I took it a little too far.
Our dog, well my dog came back yesterday. My little pupsy was kidnapped. I had to prove to the parents it was my dog with pictures. I was getting my dog back one way or the other, sorry kid. As soon as the dog got back and went after my boyfriend's hat and basically destroyed it. I threw it away to hide it from him since he was looking for it. It's about time I came clean anyway.
My friend's wedding is coming up next month and she upgraded me to a bridesmaid. She actually sent us all letters for us to be flower girls and she recorded all our messages to play at the wedding. The whore. Can't wait to be there!
I guess that's all that's going on in my life. See ya!
Our dog, well my dog came back yesterday. My little pupsy was kidnapped. I had to prove to the parents it was my dog with pictures. I was getting my dog back one way or the other, sorry kid. As soon as the dog got back and went after my boyfriend's hat and basically destroyed it. I threw it away to hide it from him since he was looking for it. It's about time I came clean anyway.
My friend's wedding is coming up next month and she upgraded me to a bridesmaid. She actually sent us all letters for us to be flower girls and she recorded all our messages to play at the wedding. The whore. Can't wait to be there!
I guess that's all that's going on in my life. See ya!
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
But I'm Daddies Little Girl!
I'll admit now that I've been spoiled as a kid. My parents gave me everything I ever wanted. If I crashed the family car into the side of the house totally destroying Daddies big screen TV. I'd probably get 2 new cars and a lot of money for the troubles.
The reason why I made this post is that my Daddy brought it up to me. We were talking and he told me that his golf buddy told him that he spoiled me. I never considered myself a brat. I just never thought what all the other kids thought of me. I thought everybody liked me! BUT I'M PRINCESS! I don't wanna go back home now this summer.
And you know what's sad about everything here? The fact that tomorrow I won't even care about this. This is terrible! What am I going to do?
So who cares I was so popular in high school and was, or rather still is the most popular. I was head cheerleader for crying out loud! I look back at that part of my life which was like a couple of years ago and realize how big of a brat I really was. I did charitable stuff back in high school and even now in college.
I can't believe this! I even had the look of a blonde cheerleader brat. I dyed my hair black today crying and never wanting to have blonde again. I even bought dark depressing clothes to make me feel better.
My boyfriend is out of town for a few days of just getting away from being depressed so I don't know if this is a good idea.
The reason why I made this post is that my Daddy brought it up to me. We were talking and he told me that his golf buddy told him that he spoiled me. I never considered myself a brat. I just never thought what all the other kids thought of me. I thought everybody liked me! BUT I'M PRINCESS! I don't wanna go back home now this summer.
And you know what's sad about everything here? The fact that tomorrow I won't even care about this. This is terrible! What am I going to do?
So who cares I was so popular in high school and was, or rather still is the most popular. I was head cheerleader for crying out loud! I look back at that part of my life which was like a couple of years ago and realize how big of a brat I really was. I did charitable stuff back in high school and even now in college.
I can't believe this! I even had the look of a blonde cheerleader brat. I dyed my hair black today crying and never wanting to have blonde again. I even bought dark depressing clothes to make me feel better.
My boyfriend is out of town for a few days of just getting away from being depressed so I don't know if this is a good idea.
Monday, April 17, 2006
Little Bird Little
I was sitting in the park today for lunch and I saw this bird fall out of its nest. I was about to rush over to help it but this guy grabbed me and told me not to touch it because the mother would not help it if a person tried to help it. I wanted to punch the stranger for actually laying his hands on me but I got the point.
So I was there just sitting on the bench biting my fingers really wanting to get up and just throw the bird in the air so it could fly. But that would probably end in death so I just had to wait. I was near tears wondering where is this mother! What a terrible parent. If only there were social services for animals. She finally came by like 5 minutes later (I know, it really wasn't that long). She stayed with it for a long time. There was no way this bird was going to carry that bird into the nest. I asked the guy who grabbed me what was going to happen and he told me the little bird is probably going to die. I just shouted "What!" I admit I'm not an animal expert and I didn't really know all this bird information. I asked him why did he grab me and tell me not to help it if the bird was probably going to die anyways. He told me that he just wanted to talk me into a date with him. Jerk!
I got up and took the bird to an animal shelter so that they would take care of it. I missed one my classes in the process but it was worth it. I saved a life! And the guy was cute that asked me out but I'm already in a great relationship now that I don't want to ruin. But deep in my heart I felt as if the mother is just totally destroyed by this by losing a child, but then again it would've died if I just left it there. I guess someone has to hurt in the process. But if only I could've like sneaked in at night and layed the bird down in the nest while she was asleep. I don't know.
So I was there just sitting on the bench biting my fingers really wanting to get up and just throw the bird in the air so it could fly. But that would probably end in death so I just had to wait. I was near tears wondering where is this mother! What a terrible parent. If only there were social services for animals. She finally came by like 5 minutes later (I know, it really wasn't that long). She stayed with it for a long time. There was no way this bird was going to carry that bird into the nest. I asked the guy who grabbed me what was going to happen and he told me the little bird is probably going to die. I just shouted "What!" I admit I'm not an animal expert and I didn't really know all this bird information. I asked him why did he grab me and tell me not to help it if the bird was probably going to die anyways. He told me that he just wanted to talk me into a date with him. Jerk!
I got up and took the bird to an animal shelter so that they would take care of it. I missed one my classes in the process but it was worth it. I saved a life! And the guy was cute that asked me out but I'm already in a great relationship now that I don't want to ruin. But deep in my heart I felt as if the mother is just totally destroyed by this by losing a child, but then again it would've died if I just left it there. I guess someone has to hurt in the process. But if only I could've like sneaked in at night and layed the bird down in the nest while she was asleep. I don't know.
Thursday, April 13, 2006
Flower
I've been invited to a wedding. I expected to be a bridesmaid or something really beautiful. But she wants me to be the Flower Girl! Don't you think I'm a little too old to be a Flower Girl! They might as well just slap a clown outfit on me while I do tricks as I throw the flowers. I love my friend but if she wants me to be the Flower Girl, she's just getting a postcard.
Thursday, March 23, 2006
What's New Is Beyond Me
What's going on in my life? Nothing much. One thing that really stands out right now is something that happened that just really made my day.
There is a guy that I pass by everyday that is homeless. I know his name and he knows my name. We always talk whenever I pass by. A couple of months ago I decided to give him all the money I had on me which was around $70. He declined and told me that if I'd buy him two things he would be happy for life. So he asked me to buy him a box of roses and a red scarf. I fulfilled his request and threw in some soap for free. When I came back to give him the things he told me it was for his wife. I just broke down in tears. I asked what happened to her and he told me that she died many years ago and just can't seem to get over it. He told me that she was his good luck charm and when she passed away, things just started going downhill.
I felt even more sorry for him. It was the saddest story I ever heard. Every year he would go to the cemetary and lay her favorite flowers on her grave and wrapped a red scarf that she would always wear around the roses.
By this time I was just totally crying the whole day thinking about that guy. I told a few of my friends about it and asked my parents if they would like to donate few dollars to a man that deserves it. Within a few weeks we were over $500. My friends and I decided to treat him to a shopping spree. By the time the day ended he was a new man.
Nowadays, I don't see him when I pass by. He's got a job and he seems a lot happier now. Now I visit him on my way home and talk to him a few times a week.
There is a guy that I pass by everyday that is homeless. I know his name and he knows my name. We always talk whenever I pass by. A couple of months ago I decided to give him all the money I had on me which was around $70. He declined and told me that if I'd buy him two things he would be happy for life. So he asked me to buy him a box of roses and a red scarf. I fulfilled his request and threw in some soap for free. When I came back to give him the things he told me it was for his wife. I just broke down in tears. I asked what happened to her and he told me that she died many years ago and just can't seem to get over it. He told me that she was his good luck charm and when she passed away, things just started going downhill.
I felt even more sorry for him. It was the saddest story I ever heard. Every year he would go to the cemetary and lay her favorite flowers on her grave and wrapped a red scarf that she would always wear around the roses.
By this time I was just totally crying the whole day thinking about that guy. I told a few of my friends about it and asked my parents if they would like to donate few dollars to a man that deserves it. Within a few weeks we were over $500. My friends and I decided to treat him to a shopping spree. By the time the day ended he was a new man.
Nowadays, I don't see him when I pass by. He's got a job and he seems a lot happier now. Now I visit him on my way home and talk to him a few times a week.
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