Fools Rush In

Over the past few weeks my life has been a little chaotic with a missing ex but that's all in the past and now Im looking forward to a non-hellacious year next year & good non-hellacious year for all of you out there.

A Quickie

. . . so used to them.

Well I'm going to post this is 30 secs. Happy belated thanksgiving. Got up this morning @ 4 w/my parents and fell asleep in the car while they went shopping @ walmart. Really sleepy, going to sleep now. See ya!

Dog eat Dog World

My friends have children or are trying to have children. They are married to these buisnessman and they are stay at home moms. Fuck that! I want to grab the buisnessman and take them out their office because their is a new queen in town. I refuse to be a stay at home mom. I want to get in the dirt like everyone else.

Girl Power!

A poem by one of my most favorite poet ever!
Emily Dickinson

I measure every Grief I meet

I measure every Grief I meet
With narrow, probing, Eyes
I wonder if It weighs like Mine
Or has an Easier size.

I wonder if They bore it long
Or did it just begin
I could not tell the Date of Mine
It feels so old a pain

I wonder if it hurts to live
And if They have to try
And whether – could They choose between
It would not be – to die
I note that Some – gone patient long
At length, renew their smile
An imitation of a Light
That has so little Oil

I wonder if when Years have piled
Some Thousands – on the Harm
That hurt them early – such a lapse
Could give them any Balm

Or would they go on aching still
Through Centuries of Nerve
Enlightened to a larger Pain
In Contrast with the Love

The Grieved – are many – I am told
There is the various Cause
Death – is but one – and comes but once
And only nails the eyes

There's Grief of Want – and grief of Cold
A sort they call "Despair"
There's Banishment from native Eyes
In Sight of Native Air

And though I may not guess the kind
Correctly – yet to me
A piercing Comfort it affords
In passing Calvary

To note the fashions – of the Cross
And how they're mostly worn
Still fascinated to presume
That Some – are like My Own

December's To-Do List . . .

• First things first go Christmas shopping early and not Christmas Eve at the CVS pharmacy at midnight.

Well thats all I got for this month.

Dear Internet

Long time no see! How's my life? Nothing, just working like crazy. I just got my internet up. I've been working so hard to get it up again, I feel like a dork. I've been so so busy. Speaking of busy, Im going to be late for work.

Lonely

I miss my ex boyfriend, but I know he needs his time apart. I miss the late nights of staying up with him and going jogging in the mornings. My parents are ecstatic that we are apart now. They finally got their wish. The worked so hard to break us apart and all it took was time. And time may also bring us back together. Being apart and hanging out is a bit different from being together and hanging out. We just don't see each other as much as we used to do. Our chats are always short and quick and we limit our conversations to the safe zone of a "friendship".

We did agree that during our apart phase we could start dating other people. I know he wouldn't tell me if he's dating somebody else but knowing him, he doesn't want another relationship right now. But I'm lonely damn it! I got a phone number this weekend from this hot guy. I haven't called him yet because I'm worried that I'll drop him in a heartbeat if my ex wants to continue the relationship, but he's soooo hot! I'm going to call him.

My Life Turns Another Page

My boyfriend and I recently broke up. We agreed that it would be the best thing for us right now. Who knows what the future holds for us. This break up might just be a way of making our relationship stronger if we do decide to get back together. In my heart I still do love him and I will always do so, but we need this time apart.

I'm moving back home in a few months to get started on my new job. He's going his way and I'm going mines. For now I'm just dealing with the shock of the break up. I knew it was coming, but I just didn't want to hear it. I'm going to stop right here before I get upset again.

Love you guys!

I Can Smell The Air

Our home away from home will be in a RV next week. I'll let my hair down and stick my head out the window and feel the air blow against my face. I will find new life in happiness. I will have fun.

Until then, my boyfriend is getting over the effects of this past weekends hangover. I managed to just get buzzed and not drunk. I don't think he's learned his lesson. Once he's fully recovered he'll probably do it again.

Have a great day everybody, and smell the air!

Waiting

We are having a party here tonight. We forgot the drinks so they are out getting some. Until then Im squeezing one small post in before it starts.

Thats it.

Such a Dork

I just uploaded all the Backstreet Boys CD's on my iPod.

I'm going on a trip next month with my boyfriend and his brother and his brother's girlfriend. We will be an RV or something going across the nation. It's something I think everybody wants to do but never get a chance to do. We'll get to see all these places and meet all sorts of people. At first I was a little skeptical about the whole thing. I couldn't imagine putting my life on hold and just going on a trip like that. Something like that takes will take a lot out of you. But now as we get closer to that day I feel a little bit of anticipation for it. I know it's going to be a blast.

Update

Do you guys remember the homeless friend I was talking about early last year? If not just click on the title for the details.

I was praying that this guy will have a better life. I've been seeing him about once a week now. Sorry I haven't kept everybody updated on him. He owns his own deli now. He's engaged and happy.

I didn't want to bring up his deceased wife but I did still wonder if he still visited her . . . luckily he brought it up. He still visits her. I cried again. This guy is so romantic and so kind. It was upsetting to know that he worked all his life and was happily married once and then once she died his life started crumbling down. I'm so glad that he's still ok and happy.

Très Beau

Je m’éveillai, c’était la maison natale,
L’écume s’abattait sur le rocher,
Pas un oiseau, le vent seul à ouvrir et fermer la vague,
L’odeur de l’horizon de toutes parts,
Cendre, comme si les collines cachaient un feu
Qui ailleurs consumait un univers.
Je passai dans la véranda, la table était mise,
L’eau frappait les pieds de la table, le buffet.
Il fallait qu’elle entrât pourtant, la sans-visage
Que je savais qui secouait la porte
Du couloir, du côté de l’escalier sombre, mais en vain,
Si haute était déjà l’eau dans la salle.
Je tournais la poignée, qui résistait,
J’entendais presque les rumeurs de l’autre rive,
Ces rires des enfants dans l’herbe haute,
Ces jeux des autres, à jamais les autres, dans leur joie.

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<Yves Bonnefoy >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

I woke up, it was the house where I was born,
Sea foam splashed against the rock,
Not a single bird, only the wind to open and close the wave,
Everywhere on the horizon the smell of ashes,
As if the hills were hiding a fire
That somewhere else was burning up a universe.
I went onto the veranda, the table was set,
The water knocked against the legs of the table, the sideboard.
And yet she had to come in, the faceless one,
The one I knew was shaking the door
In the hall, near the darkened staircase, but in vain,
So high had the water already risen in the room.
I took the handle, it was hard to turn,
I could almost hear the noises of the other shore,
The laughter of the children playing in the tall grass,
The games of the others, always the others, in their joy.

Extracurricular Activities

I'm learning how to pole dance. Is it that difficult we have to have a class to dance on a pole? I guess so. It'll be fun. I'll demonstrate my lessons on my boyfriend each day.

OH MY GAWD!

I hate my boyfriend! He knows my fear of snakes and he insisted pranking me this morning after I told him I not the one. He got a fake snake and stuffed an operating dildo inside it and threw it under my sheet! I woke up with some familiar noise under the sheet, and something touching my leg. I pulled the sheet down and saw the snake moving! I nearly broke my neck trying to get out of the bed running out the door! Finding my boyfriend and his brother laughing in the corner! I'm sooo pissed!

Now I have something planned for him tonight. I'm thinking something "dildo" and "probing" and tied to the bed.

Then we have what happened friday night. We were a little tipsy and not thinking clearly. I was thinking just clear enough to not get naked. My boyfriend and his friends and brother decided to get naked and streak in this neighborhood. Mighty fine asses as they ran. It was funny as they were running having fun laughing and shouting and then running back shouting in terror. A cop was in the neighborhood chasing after them.

My friend started the car and was going to leave them. Tempted to leave them but I couldn't. We told them to hurry up. I knew some of them weren't with them but we had to leave them. I very humorous addition to my diary for that day. Naked guys running towards me as we all tried to escape the cops. Mom and Dad would be so proud. We got the others at sometime and went back home after we had to change cars. What a weekend. We need to have more of these.

Two brothers = Two bastards

My boyfriend's brother is here with us all week. He's not as scary looking as he was before. Everytime he was near, I felt as if I needed to hold my purse closer to me. Not that I think he would steal it, but just in case. *rolls eyes*

So far no pranks. I'm very surprised. Usually by now, one them would be in the emergency room. I think they are planning something to do to me. I see them talking and when I enter the room they stop and split up, very mature! I'm on to you guys. I can be just as evil. Let me just say, if I wake up naked in the middle of nowhere, it's on!

Filled Up Empty

Words that carry so much meaning. My grandmother used to tell me that when I was younger. When you give all you got into something, just to have it either destroyed or let down means you are Filled Up Empty. She says that about the marriage of my parents a lot?

I love you Grandma!

Physically Demanding Schedules of The Woman

My mother once told me that men don't know the troubles women have, especially mothers.

The husband goes to work a 9 to 5 shift during the week and mows the lawn and does yard work on the weekends. The woman gets up early to get the kids ready for school. She cleans the messes and cleans the house. She gets the mail and gets the food. She waits at the school to pick up the kids. She fixes dinner to make sure it's ready at exactly 5:30 when the husband gets home. She cleans up the mess and washes the dishes. She cleans the house and cleans the floor. She makes sure the children brush their teeth and are asleep. She reads a bedtime story and tucks them in and watches them until they fall asleep. She walks into the bedroom and her husband expects sex. She fakes it and moans until the 5 seconds are up and she goes to sleep. Awaken by the alarm, her day starts again with the same physically demanding schedule.

My mother always told me that she wished my father knew what it would be like to be a woman. Full and voluptuous. Sexy and smart. Empowered to have power. Destined for greatness. We are woman, hear us meow.

The Corporate Suck Up

There is this girl who thinks she's better than me. She sucks up to the boss and is now his obvious favorite. If she took a minute and stopped sucking his dick then maybe people will take her seriously. Nobody likes her. You kind of feel sorry for her, but when you try to help, she stabs you in the back. But i'm not mad. She considers her position, albeit on all fours, as a position I strive for. Whatever whore. Favoritism is a bitch in this world but some poor sap always does it.

I Am Sam!

I love this movie. It's so sad and yet so uplifting. If I watch it again I'd cry my eyes out even harder.

Loverboy

You know, writing this post is probably going to upset somebody...

But, I just have to write it.

Their is this guy in school that has had the biggest crush on me. His name is Michael. My boyfriend already knows all about him and he knows all about my boyfriend so he tends to keep his chatter with me friendly and non flirtatious.

Now girls, let me describe what he's working with. He has blue eyes. Brownish blond hair. He has a nice ass, that I barely noticed. And he's smart. Not the nerdy smart but the hot smart.

But I love my boyfriend, I forget his name. No I really do love him. Our arguments tend to improve the relationship -- in every aspect (*wink wink*)

You have to give it to Michael for attempting to talk to me. Most guys just tend to not want to talk to me because they think I'm a stuck up bitch. Which he's right. I'm only a bitch when I need to be, and I make sure they never forget it.

The fact that he's talking to me and still know that I'm already taken is bizarre. I know what he wants. I've been with the bastard, I know what he whats. Michael is not my type though. He's too perfect. I can't find a single problem with him which worries me. Nobody is that perfect. Plus he's needy, it drives me crazy. But that butt, so bubbly. Makes you want to take it home and serve the thing for Thanksgiving dinner.

But my heart belongs to the bastard. He may get on my nerves sometime and he knows that I get on his nerves all the time, but he's my loverboy, warts and all. Just remember bastard, next time we are at the gas station, I'm stuffing the hose up your asshole because I know how you like it rough. And on that note, I'm going to sign off.

Love you my special bastard!

Beyond Me

In Response

My boyfriend seemed to have made the story about us at the gas station a lot worst than it really was. Here was how I saw the events unfolding.

He claims that he paid for mostly everything this weekend, but I offered every single time to pay. Now on to the gas station. I thought that he would be the gentleman and pump the gas for the lady. But I was mistaken. I do admit (now) that it really doesn't matter who pumps the gas as long as the gas is pumping. I did it anyways just so he would shut up. I asked for some money to pay for the gas and he wanted me to do it. I know I know, it's my car I should pay for the gas myself, but it was the way it came across to me. He gave me the money for the gas. Then he had the nerve to get out of the car to go inside to get some food! All this time arguing, he went inside anyways! I did accidentally pump a little more than he gave me but I was already pissed off so I just kept pumping until he came back out. And it was about $7 more and not $10.

That argument was really small but it just got out of control. We ended up laughing about it later on. He's reading this now laughing.

Hey you, bastard, I noticed you said on your post that you would usually pump the gas but just wanted to see how far I would take it. Now if I inserted my foot up your ass, how far would you take it?

love and more love
beyond me

Call Me Twisted

When I was little, I saw the movie Dirty Dancing on TV. I wanted to be Jennifer Grey so bad. I had the biggest crush on Patrick Swayze after that. I wanted some bad boy to grab me and dance with me in public to show their love for me. I went to dance class and everything. I had this boy that danced with me each time I was there. It was love at first sight. He was so beautiful. But he turned out to be gay so that fantasy ended pretty quickly.

Now if only my boyfriend will dance with me in public. Lap dances are probably the closes he'll get to dancing. Maybe I can get him to dance this weekend in private then slowly move him into a crowd.

Men, Sheesh!

I'm thinking of becoming a lesbian. My parents would kill me. Why are guys so stubborn. They don't ask for directions and they never need any help. What are men good for? They kill the bugs that drive us crazy. They can lift heavy things. They do the things you can't do. They have that extra "accessory" in the bedroom . . . They have a body you'll just love to touch. They have great muscular asses that look so hot in jeans (typing as I bite my nail). Well maybe I'll hold off on the lesbians for now. Damn I'm getting horny right now. When will he be back damn it!

Home Ec.

Chicken Fricassee With Carrots, Mustard Greens and Avgolemono Sauce

I'm making the unusual for dinner tonight. No more pot pies and no more old fried rice and steak from the local Chinese restaurant tonight. I will either rock when I make this or screw this all up. I did screw up immediately when I forgot to bring the ingredients from home when I went to the grocery store. Then when I got home I forgot the chicken! Maybe I should've just started slow with oatmeal instead.

Ingredients:

For chicken:

1/2 cup fresh lemon juice
3 tablespoons chopped fresh parsley
1 1/2 teaspoons grated lemon peel
1 1/2 teaspoons minced garlic
7 tablespoons olive oil
2 3 1/2-pound chickens, each cut into 8 pieces
2 cups chopped peeled carrots
4 large garlic cloves, thinly sliced
1 1/2 teaspoons dried oregano
1 cup dry white wine
3 1/2 cups chicken stock or canned low-salt chicken broth

2 bunches mustard greens, trimmed, cut into 1/2-inch-wide strips
3 green onions, chopped
2 tablespoons chopped fresh dill
2 tablespoons Dijon mustard

For Avgolemono Sauce:

1/4 cup fresh lemon juice
1/2 teaspoon cornstarch
2 large eggs, separated
Pinch of salt

Directions:

Make chicken:

Mix 1/4 cup lemon juice, 2 tablespoons parsley, lemon peel and minced garlic in large glass baking dish. Whisk in 6 tablespoons oil. Season to taste with salt and pepper. Add chicken. Turn to coat. Cover and refrigerate chicken overnight, turning once.
Preheat oven to 400°F. Remove chicken from marinade. Pat chicken dry with paper towels. Sprinkle with salt and pepper. Heat 1 tablespoon oil in heavy large ovenproof pot over medium-high heat. Working in batches, cook chicken until brown on all sides, about 10 minutes. Transfer chicken to large bowl.

Add carrots, sliced garlic and oregano to pot. Sauté over medium-high heat until garlic is tender, about 2 minutes. Add wine and remaining 1/4 cup lemon juice. Bring to boil, scraping up browned bits from bottom. Simmer until liquid is reduced by half, about 5 minutes. Add chicken stock. Return chicken to pot. Place pot in oven. Bake uncovered until chicken is cooked through, turning chicken occasionally, about 35 minutes.

Using slotted spoon, transfer chicken, carrots and sliced garlic to large bowl. Tent with foil to keep warm.

Boil cooking liquid over medium-high heat until reduced to 3 cups, about 10 minutes. Remove from heat. Pour 1 cup reduced cooking liquid into small bowl. Set aside.

Return cooking liquid remaining in pot to simmer. Add mustard greens. Cook until greens are tender, about 2 minutes. Stir in green onions, dill, Dijon mustard and remaining 1 tablespoon parsley. Cover and keep warm.

Make avgolemono sauce:

Whisk lemon juice and cornstarch in another small bowl to blend. Whisk egg yolks in medium bowl to blend. Using electric mixer, beat egg whites and pinch of salt in medium stainless steel bowl until soft peaks form. Fold in egg yolks, then lemon juice mixture. Set bowl over saucepan of simmering water (do not allow bottom of bowl to touch water). Whisk until mixture thickens, about 3 minutes. Gradually add reserved 1 cup cooking liquid, whisking constantly, until mixture thickens, about 3 minutes (do not boil). Add sauce to mustard greens; stir to combine. Season to taste with salt and pepper.

Pour sauce and mustard greens over chicken and serve.

.........................................

If I didn't burn the place down I'll tell you how it went, wish me luck on this forthcoming disaster. The boyfriend has already mapped our escape once the fire gets out of control.

Pregnant!

My friend is. I'm so happy for her! I'm glad that they can now start their family after getting married. What a lovely wedding they had. I can't wait for the baby shower!

Valentine's Day

I woke up to breakfast in bed. The toast was a little burnt but who's complaining?! We of course skipped classed yesterday to just spend the day with each other. We sat in bed together feeding each other, which led to other things.......

We had the whole day planned until, I heard a knock on the door, it was my parents. All I could give them was an awkward surprise look. Out of all the days to visit me, why did it have to be Valentine's Day. After I got over the shock of my parents being here, I had to get over another shock of my boyfriend meeting my parents again. All these threats he'd been making might come true, so I panicked. He was just as surprised as I was, and just as much as upset. He told them that we had plans and they had to leave. My parents told him they just got here and where are they supposed to go. Then he told them should've thought about that before they left. He gave them until 4 to leave and went back in the bedroom and slammed the door. Then my parents looked back at me to see what I was going to do about it. I told them that he was right. Then we got into this long useless conversation that almost ended me kicking them out myself. I thought they were trying to let me live my own life. My boyfriend stayed in the bedroom until it was about 4. He acted as if they weren't even there. They left at 4 to stay at a hotel. It was killing me to tell my parents to go to a hotel to stay instead of here but somehow I knew if I let them stay that would not only piss my boyfriend off but it would prove that they can get their own way everytime, and I couldn't have that on my day!

So back to my Valentine's Day. My parents left and we left shortly after for dinner. We ate at this romantic restaurant. The lights were dimmed and they played music. We felt like we were in a our own world. It felt private and beautiful, I loved it. I didn't want to leave! But we had to. We walked down the sidewalk together close. I was cold so he took off his coat and put it on me. It's things like these that I know their is a sweet person inside him. It eventually got too cold for both of us so we went back home.

We exchanged gifts. He got me a locket with a picture of both of us from a long time ago inside of it. I got him something for me but for him to see. A little something something from Victoria's Secret. I told him that he will see me in it later. We popped some popcorn and watched a couple of my favorite romantic movies. I knew he would hate Failure to Launch but I knew he'd like 50 First Dates. I have to say that it's probably the one movie that we both can agree on to watch "happily".

Once the movie was over it was time for my Victoria's Secret outfit. No details after that....*smile/wink*

That was my Valentine's/Birthday. I called my parents this morning to see how they were doing. They are still a little angry and I'm not going to try and apologize for something that they did. I hope everybody else's Valentine's Day was a great as mines, minus the parents.

Je T'aime

My birthday and Valentines day is coming up this week so instead of killing him financially, he decided to celebrate them as one big gift giving holiday and just take me out to dinner on my birthday. It's going to be sooooo romantic, I hope.

What a weekend. I have to tell the story since my boyfriend wasn't quite sober enough to remember most of it. They met an old friend of his group of friends at a club. From what I hear how the story goes, the old friend "had relations" with another friends girlfriend repeatedly back then. The girlfriend had a fight with the boyfriend and told him that she slept with the old friend. Boyfriend confronts old friend to see if it's true. Old friend confesses and fighting ensues. Old friend kicked out of group of friends. Years later (this weekend), old friend meets group of friends at the club. Everything is forgotten. Old friend and friend act like nothing happened. Subject of cheating girlfriend comes up again after one too many drinks. Talking and then fighting ensues once again. All because they were drinking.

I don't see the point of you guys fighting over women. We are a dime a dozen, friends are a lifetime. Take a chill pill be friends again ok? ok. She was obviously a slut for sleeping with a buddy's best friend, what a whore. Now if I was dating this old friend and found out that my boyfriend was cheating on me with another girl, you best believe I'll make her life a living hell until she moves away.

My Song Of The Moment

http://videzonn.com/videos/f/fall_out_boy/this_aint_a_scene_its_an_arms_race_537524.asx

A Day In The Park

When I was little, I fell off my bike and hurt my knee really bad. I was in the backyard so I had to limp back to the door. When I opened the door, my mother was in the kitchen watching TV. I barely opened my mouth when my mother dropped everything and ran over to me to pick me up. She was acting as if I was near death. She carried me to the bathroom and used her magic to sooth all my pains away. Within a few hours, it felt as if I never got in the accident.

Today, I saw a little girl riding a bike in the park. Somehow her pants got stuck in the wheel and pulled her leg in. She was crying loud. Blood was starting to slide down her leg. I wondered where the mother was. The little girl would not move. Nobody would move, not even me. I was waiting for her mother, like my mother, to rush to her aid and help her, but nobody came. As I walked over to the little girl, a woman started walking towards her too. The woman was angry as if why is the little girl crying. The woman must of been her mother. She grabbed her crying daughter by the arm and dragged her to the bench. She pulled a napkin out of her pocketbook and gave it to her daughter to wipe the blood off her own leg. People were staring at the mother. I was wondering how can a mother be so angry at a little girl for accidentally hurting herself? The daughter wouldn't budge. The woman eventually had to wipe the blood off herself. The daughter was obviously scared of her own mother. Just the site of the daughter's terrifying eyes looking back at the mother as if she was the rabid beast out to get her.

I never walked over to the mother to confront her because it was none of my business and for the simple fact that the mother was already angry will get angrier at me and put her anger back on her daughter.

The whole situation bothers me. I'm sure that the mother treats the daughter just as bad at home. What can I do? I want to call Social Services but I'm sure they get the calls everyday about the same situation and do nothing. Why have kids if you are going to abuse them like that? Now the little girl will grow up hating her mother and have low self esteem and live a bad life because she was never loved. I'm glad I can remember a good flashback of my mother helping me when I fell off my bike.

Titanic

Since the boys are out, we are have a girls night out. We went shopping and rented Titanic. We already stocked up on tissues and bon bons. I love this movie so much. For someone to die trying to save my life is the most romantic thing ever. And seeing Leo again is hot enough. He can save me any day!

Football Lover?

I'm not. I'll be shopping!

Let Me Be

I told my parents last night about my relationship with my boyfriend and they were upset. They were telling me that I can consider myself cut off. I just couldn't take it anymore. If something so petty that has nothing to do with them causes them to react like that just insults me. How can you want me to be on my own and still try to control who I see and what I do? So I told them that if they wish to do that then I will just remove myself from their grasp. If they want to treat me like that then fine. I just won't be part of the family if they can't accept who I am and just let me go. They got silent and told me that they'll start respecting my boundaries and try to give me more independence. I thanked them and felt as if a huge burden had just been relieved. I felt so happy. I've been waiting for years for them to tell me that.

Thanks again, LOVE YOU GUYS!!!!!!!

Sorry Mom & Dad

I'll call you tonight.

We Broke Up

We had a long talk and thought that things are not going to get any better for us, so we broke up for my parents. Mom and Dad will be thrilled.

The New Bastard Child

My parents are threatening to cut me off financially now if I don't break up with my boyfriend. That means I'll have to find a new quick way to pay for the rest of my school. I still love you mom and dad.

Oy Vey

Well I got off the phone with my parents. The visit at the boyfriend's parents home didn't go to well. My parents thought they blew what they were saying out of proportion. I know my parents and I'm sure they said a few things they should've just kept to themselves. It's like Romeo and Juliet here. The boyfriend is still out. Right now I'm just giving him his space because that's the last thing I need is for him to bring that shit on me.

He even jogged this morning. He didn't talk much but he jogged. He hasn't really talked about it all day at school. He seems to be keeping it all inside. His friends said that he's not talking to them either. Hopefully he'll be back a little happier. I hope he hasn't decided to take that drive and come back hours later.

I can't believe my parents. I ended the phone call today in tears. I felt embarrassed. Who are they to judge who I date? I am a grown woman and I can make my own decisions. And to say that I changed because of him? I've always been an outspoken person. They are just seeing him as a person that made me this way.

He's not answering his phone so I'm leaving voice messages. He hasn't acted this way in awhile. The later it gets I start to worry. I'm like running to the phone everytime it rings hoping that it's him.

Life

My boyfriend is going crazy and I'm calm. My parents and his parents are going to meet for the first time tomorrow. I admit that they are two different personalities but I think they will mesh well.

My boyfriend's friend from way back is back. He kind of dropped off the face of the earth for awhile but he's back. I've only met him once but he did have a great friendly first impression. He seems to be too good to be true.

I've been jogging with my boyfriend since Monday. He exceeded my expectations. I didn't even expect him to go out the first day. I think he's getting used to exercise again.

Accident

Waking up in the morning and having breakfast. You go to school with your boyfriend and just think of the fun you and your friends are going to have later. It's now dark. You go out to pick up one last thing and you're there with your friends to have fun. You go to the stop light. Traffic is already backed up so you just pull out enough to see if you are able to go out. The light starts to turn yellow so you know that you have no choice but to take the light or you'll be just stuck in the middle of traffic so you take it. No more than a split second making that turn you notice somebody is also trying to beat the light, but it's too late for both of you to stop. Both of your lives flashes in front of your eyes. You wake up on the cold dark pavement not able to move much. You are in a lot of pain. Your day flashes in front of your eyes. You wonder what you could've done differently that day to avoid the accident.

Last night I witnessed a bad car accident. It felt as if it was going in slow motion. The driver of one the cars was ok and was trying to help the other driver. When I looked closer at the accident, I saw a person on the highway. My heart just started hurting. I couldn't live with myself if I hit a person and took their life. The person seemed to be able to move a little but not that much. I'm assuming they were in the jeep and they were not wearing their seat belt.

The whole visual image of the accident is just haunting to me. You don't see things like that everyday. I've never seen anything like this before. I come from a very secluded area and near death experiences have never been so close to me before. I'm guessing that's why I'm taking this so badly. The accident happened no further than a few steps from the car I was in. That car could've been us.

I'm feeling better today. I called my mom last night and she calmed me down. It's something that I call an experience. I refused to read the paper to see the outcome of the accident but from my point of view of the accident and what people are telling me, nobody was killed. Thank you.

New Year Means More Objectives

So it's 2007 and we all have our resolutions.

My only resolution would be to stay happy another year. So far life is great and it seems to get better everyday. Thanks goes to my boyfriend who I love more and more each day. His spontaneous nature always keeps me happy. I've been through his really happy days and the days he wants to end it all. We were able to get through the hardships and push forward in a positive way. I Love You Baby. Hugs and Kisses.