Girl Power!

A poem by one of my most favorite poet ever!
Emily Dickinson

I measure every Grief I meet

I measure every Grief I meet
With narrow, probing, Eyes
I wonder if It weighs like Mine
Or has an Easier size.

I wonder if They bore it long
Or did it just begin
I could not tell the Date of Mine
It feels so old a pain

I wonder if it hurts to live
And if They have to try
And whether – could They choose between
It would not be – to die
I note that Some – gone patient long
At length, renew their smile
An imitation of a Light
That has so little Oil

I wonder if when Years have piled
Some Thousands – on the Harm
That hurt them early – such a lapse
Could give them any Balm

Or would they go on aching still
Through Centuries of Nerve
Enlightened to a larger Pain
In Contrast with the Love

The Grieved – are many – I am told
There is the various Cause
Death – is but one – and comes but once
And only nails the eyes

There's Grief of Want – and grief of Cold
A sort they call "Despair"
There's Banishment from native Eyes
In Sight of Native Air

And though I may not guess the kind
Correctly – yet to me
A piercing Comfort it affords
In passing Calvary

To note the fashions – of the Cross
And how they're mostly worn
Still fascinated to presume
That Some – are like My Own

December's To-Do List . . .

• First things first go Christmas shopping early and not Christmas Eve at the CVS pharmacy at midnight.

Well thats all I got for this month.

Dear Internet

Long time no see! How's my life? Nothing, just working like crazy. I just got my internet up. I've been working so hard to get it up again, I feel like a dork. I've been so so busy. Speaking of busy, Im going to be late for work.

Lonely

I miss my ex boyfriend, but I know he needs his time apart. I miss the late nights of staying up with him and going jogging in the mornings. My parents are ecstatic that we are apart now. They finally got their wish. The worked so hard to break us apart and all it took was time. And time may also bring us back together. Being apart and hanging out is a bit different from being together and hanging out. We just don't see each other as much as we used to do. Our chats are always short and quick and we limit our conversations to the safe zone of a "friendship".

We did agree that during our apart phase we could start dating other people. I know he wouldn't tell me if he's dating somebody else but knowing him, he doesn't want another relationship right now. But I'm lonely damn it! I got a phone number this weekend from this hot guy. I haven't called him yet because I'm worried that I'll drop him in a heartbeat if my ex wants to continue the relationship, but he's soooo hot! I'm going to call him.

My Life Turns Another Page

My boyfriend and I recently broke up. We agreed that it would be the best thing for us right now. Who knows what the future holds for us. This break up might just be a way of making our relationship stronger if we do decide to get back together. In my heart I still do love him and I will always do so, but we need this time apart.

I'm moving back home in a few months to get started on my new job. He's going his way and I'm going mines. For now I'm just dealing with the shock of the break up. I knew it was coming, but I just didn't want to hear it. I'm going to stop right here before I get upset again.

Love you guys!

I Can Smell The Air

Our home away from home will be in a RV next week. I'll let my hair down and stick my head out the window and feel the air blow against my face. I will find new life in happiness. I will have fun.

Until then, my boyfriend is getting over the effects of this past weekends hangover. I managed to just get buzzed and not drunk. I don't think he's learned his lesson. Once he's fully recovered he'll probably do it again.

Have a great day everybody, and smell the air!

Waiting

We are having a party here tonight. We forgot the drinks so they are out getting some. Until then Im squeezing one small post in before it starts.

Thats it.

Such a Dork

I just uploaded all the Backstreet Boys CD's on my iPod.

I'm going on a trip next month with my boyfriend and his brother and his brother's girlfriend. We will be an RV or something going across the nation. It's something I think everybody wants to do but never get a chance to do. We'll get to see all these places and meet all sorts of people. At first I was a little skeptical about the whole thing. I couldn't imagine putting my life on hold and just going on a trip like that. Something like that takes will take a lot out of you. But now as we get closer to that day I feel a little bit of anticipation for it. I know it's going to be a blast.

Update

Do you guys remember the homeless friend I was talking about early last year? If not just click on the title for the details.

I was praying that this guy will have a better life. I've been seeing him about once a week now. Sorry I haven't kept everybody updated on him. He owns his own deli now. He's engaged and happy.

I didn't want to bring up his deceased wife but I did still wonder if he still visited her . . . luckily he brought it up. He still visits her. I cried again. This guy is so romantic and so kind. It was upsetting to know that he worked all his life and was happily married once and then once she died his life started crumbling down. I'm so glad that he's still ok and happy.

Très Beau

Je m’éveillai, c’était la maison natale,
L’écume s’abattait sur le rocher,
Pas un oiseau, le vent seul à ouvrir et fermer la vague,
L’odeur de l’horizon de toutes parts,
Cendre, comme si les collines cachaient un feu
Qui ailleurs consumait un univers.
Je passai dans la véranda, la table était mise,
L’eau frappait les pieds de la table, le buffet.
Il fallait qu’elle entrât pourtant, la sans-visage
Que je savais qui secouait la porte
Du couloir, du côté de l’escalier sombre, mais en vain,
Si haute était déjà l’eau dans la salle.
Je tournais la poignée, qui résistait,
J’entendais presque les rumeurs de l’autre rive,
Ces rires des enfants dans l’herbe haute,
Ces jeux des autres, à jamais les autres, dans leur joie.

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<Yves Bonnefoy >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

I woke up, it was the house where I was born,
Sea foam splashed against the rock,
Not a single bird, only the wind to open and close the wave,
Everywhere on the horizon the smell of ashes,
As if the hills were hiding a fire
That somewhere else was burning up a universe.
I went onto the veranda, the table was set,
The water knocked against the legs of the table, the sideboard.
And yet she had to come in, the faceless one,
The one I knew was shaking the door
In the hall, near the darkened staircase, but in vain,
So high had the water already risen in the room.
I took the handle, it was hard to turn,
I could almost hear the noises of the other shore,
The laughter of the children playing in the tall grass,
The games of the others, always the others, in their joy.

Extracurricular Activities

I'm learning how to pole dance. Is it that difficult we have to have a class to dance on a pole? I guess so. It'll be fun. I'll demonstrate my lessons on my boyfriend each day.

OH MY GAWD!

I hate my boyfriend! He knows my fear of snakes and he insisted pranking me this morning after I told him I not the one. He got a fake snake and stuffed an operating dildo inside it and threw it under my sheet! I woke up with some familiar noise under the sheet, and something touching my leg. I pulled the sheet down and saw the snake moving! I nearly broke my neck trying to get out of the bed running out the door! Finding my boyfriend and his brother laughing in the corner! I'm sooo pissed!

Now I have something planned for him tonight. I'm thinking something "dildo" and "probing" and tied to the bed.

Then we have what happened friday night. We were a little tipsy and not thinking clearly. I was thinking just clear enough to not get naked. My boyfriend and his friends and brother decided to get naked and streak in this neighborhood. Mighty fine asses as they ran. It was funny as they were running having fun laughing and shouting and then running back shouting in terror. A cop was in the neighborhood chasing after them.

My friend started the car and was going to leave them. Tempted to leave them but I couldn't. We told them to hurry up. I knew some of them weren't with them but we had to leave them. I very humorous addition to my diary for that day. Naked guys running towards me as we all tried to escape the cops. Mom and Dad would be so proud. We got the others at sometime and went back home after we had to change cars. What a weekend. We need to have more of these.

Two brothers = Two bastards

My boyfriend's brother is here with us all week. He's not as scary looking as he was before. Everytime he was near, I felt as if I needed to hold my purse closer to me. Not that I think he would steal it, but just in case. *rolls eyes*

So far no pranks. I'm very surprised. Usually by now, one them would be in the emergency room. I think they are planning something to do to me. I see them talking and when I enter the room they stop and split up, very mature! I'm on to you guys. I can be just as evil. Let me just say, if I wake up naked in the middle of nowhere, it's on!

Filled Up Empty

Words that carry so much meaning. My grandmother used to tell me that when I was younger. When you give all you got into something, just to have it either destroyed or let down means you are Filled Up Empty. She says that about the marriage of my parents a lot?

I love you Grandma!

Physically Demanding Schedules of The Woman

My mother once told me that men don't know the troubles women have, especially mothers.

The husband goes to work a 9 to 5 shift during the week and mows the lawn and does yard work on the weekends. The woman gets up early to get the kids ready for school. She cleans the messes and cleans the house. She gets the mail and gets the food. She waits at the school to pick up the kids. She fixes dinner to make sure it's ready at exactly 5:30 when the husband gets home. She cleans up the mess and washes the dishes. She cleans the house and cleans the floor. She makes sure the children brush their teeth and are asleep. She reads a bedtime story and tucks them in and watches them until they fall asleep. She walks into the bedroom and her husband expects sex. She fakes it and moans until the 5 seconds are up and she goes to sleep. Awaken by the alarm, her day starts again with the same physically demanding schedule.

My mother always told me that she wished my father knew what it would be like to be a woman. Full and voluptuous. Sexy and smart. Empowered to have power. Destined for greatness. We are woman, hear us meow.

The Corporate Suck Up

There is this girl who thinks she's better than me. She sucks up to the boss and is now his obvious favorite. If she took a minute and stopped sucking his dick then maybe people will take her seriously. Nobody likes her. You kind of feel sorry for her, but when you try to help, she stabs you in the back. But i'm not mad. She considers her position, albeit on all fours, as a position I strive for. Whatever whore. Favoritism is a bitch in this world but some poor sap always does it.

I Am Sam!

I love this movie. It's so sad and yet so uplifting. If I watch it again I'd cry my eyes out even harder.

Loverboy

You know, writing this post is probably going to upset somebody...

But, I just have to write it.

Their is this guy in school that has had the biggest crush on me. His name is Michael. My boyfriend already knows all about him and he knows all about my boyfriend so he tends to keep his chatter with me friendly and non flirtatious.

Now girls, let me describe what he's working with. He has blue eyes. Brownish blond hair. He has a nice ass, that I barely noticed. And he's smart. Not the nerdy smart but the hot smart.

But I love my boyfriend, I forget his name. No I really do love him. Our arguments tend to improve the relationship -- in every aspect (*wink wink*)

You have to give it to Michael for attempting to talk to me. Most guys just tend to not want to talk to me because they think I'm a stuck up bitch. Which he's right. I'm only a bitch when I need to be, and I make sure they never forget it.

The fact that he's talking to me and still know that I'm already taken is bizarre. I know what he wants. I've been with the bastard, I know what he whats. Michael is not my type though. He's too perfect. I can't find a single problem with him which worries me. Nobody is that perfect. Plus he's needy, it drives me crazy. But that butt, so bubbly. Makes you want to take it home and serve the thing for Thanksgiving dinner.

But my heart belongs to the bastard. He may get on my nerves sometime and he knows that I get on his nerves all the time, but he's my loverboy, warts and all. Just remember bastard, next time we are at the gas station, I'm stuffing the hose up your asshole because I know how you like it rough. And on that note, I'm going to sign off.

Love you my special bastard!

Beyond Me

In Response

My boyfriend seemed to have made the story about us at the gas station a lot worst than it really was. Here was how I saw the events unfolding.

He claims that he paid for mostly everything this weekend, but I offered every single time to pay. Now on to the gas station. I thought that he would be the gentleman and pump the gas for the lady. But I was mistaken. I do admit (now) that it really doesn't matter who pumps the gas as long as the gas is pumping. I did it anyways just so he would shut up. I asked for some money to pay for the gas and he wanted me to do it. I know I know, it's my car I should pay for the gas myself, but it was the way it came across to me. He gave me the money for the gas. Then he had the nerve to get out of the car to go inside to get some food! All this time arguing, he went inside anyways! I did accidentally pump a little more than he gave me but I was already pissed off so I just kept pumping until he came back out. And it was about $7 more and not $10.

That argument was really small but it just got out of control. We ended up laughing about it later on. He's reading this now laughing.

Hey you, bastard, I noticed you said on your post that you would usually pump the gas but just wanted to see how far I would take it. Now if I inserted my foot up your ass, how far would you take it?

love and more love
beyond me

Call Me Twisted

When I was little, I saw the movie Dirty Dancing on TV. I wanted to be Jennifer Grey so bad. I had the biggest crush on Patrick Swayze after that. I wanted some bad boy to grab me and dance with me in public to show their love for me. I went to dance class and everything. I had this boy that danced with me each time I was there. It was love at first sight. He was so beautiful. But he turned out to be gay so that fantasy ended pretty quickly.

Now if only my boyfriend will dance with me in public. Lap dances are probably the closes he'll get to dancing. Maybe I can get him to dance this weekend in private then slowly move him into a crowd.