I've Been A Bad Girl...

I saw my ex boyfriend with another girl. No biggie being that i'm the ex and i'm in my own relationship now. This other girl was who I thought he was cheating with while we were dating. I was so pissed off. I didn't know what to do. Should I have just ignored it and went on my way or should I say something. Well I was going to walk away but he grabbed her ass knowing that I was looking and she licked his face and smiled at me. That bitch! I walked over and grabbed her hair and pulled face towards my fist. He grabbed me and I kicked him in the nuts. I left them both on the floor. Don't ever mess with my emotions this close to the holidays.

I Love The 80's!

I'm in this 80's kick right now so now I love everything about the 80's. I love that INXS song I need you tonight. If I was actually listening to music back then I would be such a whore for rock music, the ultimate rock chick.

After Thanksgiving

My family is still stuck in the 1800s. We had a very natural Thanksgiving. As I stood outside and watch my grandpa shoot the turkey I knew this Thanksgiving was going to be special.

My grandparents live in the woods. This was the 3rd time I've been there all my life. The last time being when I was 13. My family would usually invite them over.

Back to the turkey.

My grandmother cutting the head off the turkey was extra fun. It was cold and raining that day. It felt like I was in a cheesy horror flick. I told my parents that it will be a cold day in hell that I come back to Amityville. They got a good laugh and told me that we'll be back next year.

I couldn't do it. I couldn't eat the turkey. I felt like I was a witness to a murder of an innocent bird and I was getting rid of the evidence. I told them that I was feeling sick and my period was driving me crazy and the guys at the table stopped me and told me to just leave. I ordered pizza and talked to my boyfriend all night over the phone. It seemed like he was having one hell of a Thanksgiving himself finding out that he has a brother.

Desert was well worth the wait. I ate for what seemed like hours and I'm still stuffed. At the end I was glad I did visit my grandparents and other relatives. It turned out one of the best Thanksgiving's I've ever had.

My Fantasy.

I think Tom Cruise is so hot! The way he dances in his underwear is so hot. Now he's getting married to that slut Katie Holmes. I see Tom likes the younger women. I am younger than she is Tom, you don't need her soon to be saggy breast.

I also think Ashton Kutcher is so freaking awsome! He is so funny everytime I see him on TV and at the movies. My boyfriend looks at me weird everytime I go crazy when I see Ashton. I just simply throw my top off at the screen and start shouting, but everybody does that right?

Orlando Bloom, OMG! Can anybody look any hotter! I own every single movie of his. His movies are just great amazing movies, great acting and a great plot. His curly hair is so amazing.

I'm not a crazy person trust me, I just like hot guys.

I have to get back to work now.

I Don't Want To Cry Anymore

I reveal to my boyfriend that my past is something I had known would come back to haunt me.

"I Love You", I say whispering into the cold bitter wind. "I don't want to hurt anymore." I wake up in cold sweats reliving the nightmare I once thought I could forget. I bring myself to the truth, which is I can never let go of this permanent mark of innocence lost on my behalf. I can never forget it but I can now live with it.

"I Love You". What is this pain I speak of? I speak as if it stands for something positive. I will never tell for it's my secret of pain that will haunt me until the day that I die. I shed a tear for every night I had to deal with this hardship. The burden is hard but it is mines and mines alone. My back aches with the weight of this burden. Who can I tell? How can I lift this burden?

"I Love You". I can't take this anymore. The words fill every last breath inside my lungs. My heart breaks and mends itself over and over again and I can't take it anymore! I begin to shake and I can barely hold the cup of tea that I made hours ago that I can't seem to drink. I decide to take a walk down the broken sidewalk with the broken bricks holding my broken heart.

"I Love You". I stop and look around as if somebody was following me. I can't live life like this. If I tell anybody then people will think I'm crazy and will cast me aside as if I was a used tissue. Society would look at me as if I was a shell. A shell meaning that I was happy once but now I prefer to comfort of the darkness for it's my sanctuary. It's my only way out of this nightmare and for the darkness is my light at the end of the tunnel.

"I Love You". Words that are bitter and hurts my eyes to see, I feel like they are made to feel emotion. My emotion for those words are empathy and loss. I can't forget that day, I can't forget what happened to me. Words so trusting and so hurtful. I will never feel the words true meaning ever again. I shed another tear, not for the hardships but for the goodtimes. What goodtimes? The goodtimes never happened so I make them up but it always comes back tragic.

"I Love You". I feel nothing on this early Monday morning. Growing older and feeling deathly boring. I dream of a life of not remembering, but continue to die inside without useless pondering.

"I Love You". I don't want to cry anymore. Days have passed but inside it feels like years. My chest hurts today, I feel something in the air. Could the pain be ending soon? I can only hope. Or is the only way out of this pain is through death. If I must die than I must die. Memories of pain will end and I will be happy or so I have imagined or so I hoped.

"I Love You." What? Am I not here to feel this anymore? Am I now deaf from something I grew to hate? Is my soul raped and trapped beneath layers of guilt? But am I guilty for something that happened to me? For it is you that made me this way. I never would love again.

"I Love You." Must you continue to haunt me! I have given myself up to you! I have no soul to give! It was given up long ago! It's nothing left inside of me but the darkness that you put in! How can you forget it! I've been slowly gorging myself on hate for so many years! It has turned my heart dark and cold with nothing left to stop it from beating pain! It pumps MY blood and MY pain and MY burden continuously! I will never let you forget this! Let my memories forever haunt you!

"I Love You". It's time.

Going Through Some Changes

My blog will be changing a few times. Trying to find a skin that will work.

Be A Good Boy And Put This On...You Like That?

The way he walks just turns me on.
The way he talks just turns me on.

The day he told me I Love You
The day he wrote me I Love You

It was raining and we were both soaking wet. The dirty thoughts that went through my head made me blush. We went to his apartment and he was so wet, which made me so......He knew exactly what I wanted and I knew that he wanted it right now. I ripped open my shirt and jumped on him wrapping my legs around his hips as we kissed deeply. He walked over to the bed as I held on tight. I fell on top of the bed and he took off his shirt oh so slowly. He started to unbutton his jeans and got them half way off when he stopped and got on top of me so that I could take them off. I slowly went down his back and softly touched his ass and got his pants off. His ass was a site to behold, beautiful and so perfect. Then the phone rung and I realized I was late for work and I had to leave.

Yeah, I'm Talking To You!

This is my first post. My boyfriend is out at a party while I'm here sick. So I decided to make a blog myself. Well that's it.

Enjoy yourself honey because I will love getting you sick!