Shadow

Walking down the shallow valley I feel the sun setting on my back
I listen to nature whispering it's enchanted voice and I hear
I hear silence. The world around me has now stopped.

We saw each other again as if it was the first time.
Oh how I love you.
You created my love and I destroyed your hate.

I dare to love you again.
My heart falls for you and dies for you. I will die for you.
I'll have to decide.

Nonchalant I walk further down the valley with the sun on my back
And the darkness in front of me.
I must chose the light or chose the dark.

It's getting late.
Creatures of the night begin to free themselves from the light.
It's a whole new world and I'm the stranger.

Silence begins to fade and the image that was once in front of me
Has now hidden itself with the dark.
I can not see anymore.

I slowly walk back trying to get a grip on reality
And trying to escape nothing.
I am not lost and not found.

I drop to my knees and whisper to myself,
"Is it real or just my imagination"
Then something grabs my shoulder.

I'm not scared, for I knew it was coming for me.
I close my eyes and turn around to face the stranger.
I open them very slowy and look up towards its face.

Nobody is there.
I hear silence again
And I hear footsteps.

I stand up and start running towards the last light
But darkness is catching up with me.
The footsteps are getting louder.

I run faster as the footsteps get louder.
I hear an echo of loud whispers.
I hear somebody calling my name!

I see the light!
I can feel the stranger's breath on my neck!
I scream as I try to run faster!

I reach the porch light and the mystery figure is right beside me!
I grab something to try and hit it but nothing is hurting it!
Then I realized that it was just my shadow again.

All Mine!

I've saw this outfit I just had to get today and it was the last one there. This slut was looking at the same thing and she wanted it too. I clearly was there first and at first we just laughed at the situation on how we both wanted that top. So I went to grab it and she went to grab it too. I said excuse me miss, but I saw this first. She proceeded to pull it out my hand. I then said excuse me bitch, but I saw this first! Then she tried to slap me! What did I do to deserve a slap?! By this time, the elderly cashier came by to try and stop it. I wasn't leaving without getting this top that I clearly saw first. I told the slut that either I take this top or I will kick the living shit out of you. But she didn't back off! The cashier told us that they had another top in the back.

I felt like an idiot. I gave the slut the top that is already warn out by us pulling on it and I went to get the extra top. So now the slut wanted that top now! I was like, fuck it! Take the damn shirt! She took it and I walked out the door. I learned a lesson today. No top is worth fighting for unless you know you could win the fight. She was about 500 pounds heavier than I was, and she could clearly not even fit her thick fingers inside the shirt and I didn't feel like explaining to my boyfriend why I got a black eye today. I think it was for her daughter. I felt kind of bad now. For a kid to have an ass of a mother like that.

I Love You Daddy!

Sorry for the day late post of Father's Day.

My dad spoiled me all through out life. He definetly treated me like the favorite. But this isn't my day, it's his.....yesterday.

My boyfriend went home to see his father and I drove home to see my father. His dad called my dad to talk about us and how much he thinks I'm a great influence on his son. Of course my dad didn't tell me this until last night. Oh I can't wait to rub it in his face when he wakes up.

All I would like to say is thank you Dad for being the Dad I always wanted to have. You taught me all the right things to help me in my life today and I really appreciate it with all my heart. I love you.

Going Away!

Jake is supposed to leave on Friday so things will slowly get back to normal. Boyfriend came back briefly last night and left out this morning early. Makes me wonder what they are doing?

Well I have enjoyed some quiet time to myself and having a lot of movie parties with my best friends while he is away because I know he hates it.

I'm Getting Pissed!

Oh I hate Jake so much right now. He still isn't back and I'm getting more and more pissed off by the second. At least he called this morning saying that he is ok but he can not come home right now. Puts all sorts of thoughts through my mind wondering what is going on where he "can not come home now." I'm beyond pissed!

They're Missing!

My boyfriend and his friend went out for some drinks and they never came back. I tried to call them but the phone is dead. I knew I should've went with them. I checked my messages this morning and I heard my boyfriend say that he might be a little late and then he got disconnected. It sounded like a fight in the background but I couldn't hear much. Right now Jake is on my B.F.F.H. (BAD FRIEND FOR HIM) list. Some of his friends are great while some of his other friends scare me a little. Jake is definetly a bad one. By the way things are going now, it doesn't look like he'll be in a talking mood when he comes back.

Baby Got Back

I never considered myself as a girl who goes crazy over her weight but today I noticed my ass is getting HUGE! I refuse to ask my boyfriend what he thinks because no matter what he says I'll think it's negative. That's why I'll await his comment here so he has time to think about what he says before he says it.

And to make things worst, I felt as if the world was turning against me. I bent over to pick something up and my pants ripped. I was mortified! Out of all days for this to happen, why today! But it gave me a reason to buy more jeans. I turned on the radio and the first song to come on after my favorite song is Sir Mix A Lot's, Baby Got Back song. Whoever is ruining my day is doing a great job of it so far. These kids were laughing behind me so I turned around to see what they were laughing at. Apparently somebody had fallen down by the bathroom. I was relieved it wasn't me they weren't laughing at. And of course the guy that fell shouldn't be laughed at either but my day already sucks why not his! I felt as if everybody was staring at me. Normally I would love the attention but not that kind of attention. Maybe I'm just looking too much into this. I've stayed the same size for years and I had those jeans for years, it was just a matter of time for them to rip.

My boyfriend's friend is supposed to come by this weekend to hang out for awhile. I heard all the stories about him so I wonder if he lives up to his legend. Just in case, I made sure to be away from the trouble makers as much as possible. One sick bastard is enough, now make it two? I might as well just prepare for a hellish few days.

a beautiful stranger

i'm back from the wedding that happened during this past weekend.
i met friends that i haven't seen in months. my boyfriend even enjoyed himself. and now the beautiful stranger......

we arrived at the hotel saturday morning just before dawn. we were greeted and taken to our room. my boyfriend decided to sleep in since he drove. i was fully awake and ready to "play tourist" in this area I have never been before. i get dressed, putting on my favorite jeans and my pearl colored shirt. i decided to wear my hair down today. i walk to the elevator and press the down button. i drop my sunglasses accidently when the elevator door opens. as i slowly move up i see a beautiful stranger looking back at me. he holds the elevator door for me as if I'm "somebody". i walk inside the elevator and we both are speechless. he introduces himself as Marcello. he has an accent that sounds a little italian. he has blue eyes and his hair is dark brown. he wears his hair trimmed on the side but falling slightly over his left eye as if he is hiding something. he is dressed up in a suit so I assume he's important or is going somewhere special. i introduce myself to him and tell him that i'm here for a wedding. he has this somewhat disappointed look on his face and then the elevator stops. we are back in the lobby. he shakes my hand tells me it was a pleasure to meet me. he then pulls his hair away from his left eye as he kisses my right hand. i felt the world has stopped just for me.

the wedding was on sunday so we had to go to another rehearsal. during our constant chit chat about each other's boyfriends/husbands, i decided to share my story to them about the beautiful stranger. they were all so fascinated. they told me i should've took him right there on the elevator. but i am a lady and elevators have security cameras. oh and i already HAVE a wonderful boyfriend that i wouldn't want to ever go away. so rehearsals are over and now it's time for the bachelorette party. one of the girls was talking about the movie dot the i and how the girl in that movie had all her friends dress up like guys with the tux and a mustache in the movie and how the bachelorette had to choose one guy in the restaurant to have one last single kiss that would mean the world to her. we thought it was a good idea so we did it. the restaurant was just around the block from my hotel so it wasn't that far. my boyfriend went to the bachelor party. the restaurant looked incredible. there was singing and dancing and so much love in the air. we told the waiter what we were doing and he was aware of the situation. he made an announcement to everybody at the restaurant that my friend is getting married and she gets to choose one man to kiss. as he was saying that, the beautiful stranger came out of the back still dressed in his suit. my friend who was getting married looked all around the restaurant to see which guy to give that one last kiss to. i tried to avoid eye contact with Marcello but she noticed that i was looking at him. she looked at him and then she looked at me. it was as if she was trying to get my approval to kiss this total stranger. i nodded my head lightly to her and she pointed at Marcello. Marcello then walked over towards us. his shirt was slightly unbuttoned at the top and at the bottom. his hair was still over his left eye just showing us his right dark blue eye. he looked at me once more and kissed her. it felt like a knife has just been stabbed through my heart. but why am I jealous? i don't even know this beautiful stud that is hot and sexy that has the face of an angel blue eyed stranger. is that I imagined him kissing me instead of her? they kissed for what seemed like an eternity. he gently held her head with his left hand and slowly guided it down her back and then he slowly moved back with his eyes still closed as if he was holding on to a memory. my friend still had her eyes closed when he finished. he kissed her on the cheek and waved to us goodbye and walked away. he stopped about half way and turned around to look at me and turned back around to go in the back. i told them all that he was the guy i was talking about.

it's way past 3 in the morning. we went to all these clubs all night and i was so tired. when i finally entered the hotel the guy at the desk motioned for me to come over. he had a note for me. when i opened the note, it was a short poem.

ever words can describe your beauty
never words can destroy your beauty

it then gave a time and a place. sunday at 12 p.m. behind the yard. i didn't know what yard he was talking about.

there was no way i could make that. why would even consider making that being in a relationship already and going to a friend's wedding that same day! 2 people would kill me for even considering that!

i go back to my room and my boyfriend isn't back yet. i look at the clock and it's past 4 so i assume he's still having fun. i fall asleep straight on the bed. i wake up with my boyfriend's arms around me. i am home. we overslept. i was supposed to be getting my bridesmaid dress on an hour ago. i jump out of bed accidently punching my boyfriend in the face. i busted his lip and he's bleeding. while i'm trying to stop his bleeding i grab my cellphone to see that i have 82 new messages. i feel like i just hurt my friend by showing up late for her wedding. we rush to the elevator but the elevator is taking too long so we take the stairs. why did we have to be on the 8th floor? out of breath and looking at our car basically out of gas. we or should i say i panic, he could careless about the wedding. we get a taxi and on my way i check the messages. each one getting angrier than the other. i then call my friend to tell her that we are on our way.

we finally get there and my boyfriend is taken to one side of the building to get dressed and i'm in the bride's room getting dress. i hear the father's bride talking to the guest and stalls the wedding by telling the guests that the bride is in the crapper. everybody laughs and the bride screams DADDY! i apologize from the bottom of my heart trying not to laugh. it's now time for the wedding.

as i walk out i see my boyfriend with his busted lip trying not to laugh too. we all take our places and the flower girl comes out. all the bridesmaids laugh.

dearly beloved

and they kissed. it was so beautiful. i couldn't stop crying then i looked at the clock in the front seeing that it was about 20 minutes until 12. maybe in another life things would've been different.

it's now the wedding party. we went behind the church to this big setup that looked so romantic. there were ice sculptures of birds and people singing. it was like a dream. my friend played the recording of all the bridesmaids getting the annoucement that they were chosen to be the flower girl. it was all so much fun. then the worst thing that could possibly happen happened . . . Marcello.

turns out that Marcello is manager and son of the owner of the restaurant who is also catering this wedding. what are the chances. it's like he knew that i'd blow him off (that sounded so dirty). it all started making sense to me now. the yard was the church yard. it was just before 1 p.m. he even almost pin pointed the exact time. i was scared but very impressed. when i saw him i turned my head and tried to avoid looking at him. i saw him from the corner of my eye running towards me. i felt like i was in a movie, not the porno kind but the ones that we all dream off when the guy comes running towards you in a non serial killer kind of way. my boyfriend is already long gone with the other guys talking about sex no doubt. Marcello calls out my name and i act like can't hear him as i slowly walk towards my boyfriend. but Marcello catches me before I could even get close. his hair is cut now. i can see both his dark blue eyes. he asks me if i can go with him to talk a little. it's tempting but i told him that i couldn't leave my friend on her wedding. i told him that my boyfriend is here also. Marcello then told me that if i didn't want to go with him then to tell him right now. i told him that i made it perfectly clear that i didn't want to go with you in so many words already. by this time my boyfriend has caught wind of what's going on and he walks over with the look of manslaughter on his face. my hero! but then i thought that this actually might be a bad thing. my boyfriend looks back at me and sees that i'm motioning to him that i got it handled and he walks on by to grab a drink. Marcello didn't even notice, the sexy hot bastard.

Marcello eventually realizes i'm not interested and gives me one last glance with what looks like he was near tears and walks away. i felt like i broke the heart of an angel. i felt like i was the worst person in the world. i shouldn't have led him on. who knows, he might've just wanted to be my friend.......nah, probably not. my other friends walked towards him like vultures about to strike but he didn't care. he grabbed his coat and left never to be seen again.

We leave and arrive back home really early in the morning. I can't sleep so I wrote this. It's dawn already.

what are chances that Marcello is reading this? if you ever read this Marcello, do know that I never meant to hurt you in any way and that we were never meant to be.

i'm reading this out loud to my boyfriend who is on the bed silent but listening to every single word i say. oh now he's turing the TV on. and now he's putting in a porno. and now he's turning the volume way up. ok, now i gotta kick his ass.

goodbye Marcello.