Here we are

Love
Love begins
Love is a beauty
Love is here
Love wants you
Love cares
Love hurts
Love kills
Love loves
Love takes advantage of you
Love remembers
Love concludes
Love ends
Love

Flashback

I was reading over my old post and I forgot about the homeless man who I helped. I haven't seen him since I left and I'm really curious about whats going on with him. Im afraid to help the homeless people here, Im afraid they'll try to hurt me. But the guy I helped I know things are going even better for him now. He was so on the right track and I believe he made it.

(Here's the story from the beginning)

wake me when its over

i broke up with my boyfriend. not much to say. guess it wasn't much of a new year for him. now its time for me to relax again. kisses and hugs!

Letter of Loved

I loved you once before but I don't know if I can love you once again. You had my heart in your hands and you took care of it like it was your own, but clumsy you, you broke it. As I have also held your heart. For the longest I have treated it like nothing. You treated mines with more care than I have for yours. I deserve everything negative out of this. For you have loved me once before and I know you can love me once again. Please forgive me - because I can't forgive you. I give you my love forever but in my heart, nothing will be there wanting you. I loved you and I cared for you, but that is all in the past. Take care and be well for we will part ways for now and forever, goodbye my loved.

Resolutions

My numero uno resolution this year would be to join a charitable group that helps people.

Fools Rush In

Over the past few weeks my life has been a little chaotic with a missing ex but that's all in the past and now Im looking forward to a non-hellacious year next year & good non-hellacious year for all of you out there.

A Quickie

. . . so used to them.

Well I'm going to post this is 30 secs. Happy belated thanksgiving. Got up this morning @ 4 w/my parents and fell asleep in the car while they went shopping @ walmart. Really sleepy, going to sleep now. See ya!

Dog eat Dog World

My friends have children or are trying to have children. They are married to these buisnessman and they are stay at home moms. Fuck that! I want to grab the buisnessman and take them out their office because their is a new queen in town. I refuse to be a stay at home mom. I want to get in the dirt like everyone else.

Girl Power!

A poem by one of my most favorite poet ever!
Emily Dickinson

I measure every Grief I meet

I measure every Grief I meet
With narrow, probing, Eyes
I wonder if It weighs like Mine
Or has an Easier size.

I wonder if They bore it long
Or did it just begin
I could not tell the Date of Mine
It feels so old a pain

I wonder if it hurts to live
And if They have to try
And whether – could They choose between
It would not be – to die
I note that Some – gone patient long
At length, renew their smile
An imitation of a Light
That has so little Oil

I wonder if when Years have piled
Some Thousands – on the Harm
That hurt them early – such a lapse
Could give them any Balm

Or would they go on aching still
Through Centuries of Nerve
Enlightened to a larger Pain
In Contrast with the Love

The Grieved – are many – I am told
There is the various Cause
Death – is but one – and comes but once
And only nails the eyes

There's Grief of Want – and grief of Cold
A sort they call "Despair"
There's Banishment from native Eyes
In Sight of Native Air

And though I may not guess the kind
Correctly – yet to me
A piercing Comfort it affords
In passing Calvary

To note the fashions – of the Cross
And how they're mostly worn
Still fascinated to presume
That Some – are like My Own

December's To-Do List . . .

• First things first go Christmas shopping early and not Christmas Eve at the CVS pharmacy at midnight.

Well thats all I got for this month.

Dear Internet

Long time no see! How's my life? Nothing, just working like crazy. I just got my internet up. I've been working so hard to get it up again, I feel like a dork. I've been so so busy. Speaking of busy, Im going to be late for work.

Lonely

I miss my ex boyfriend, but I know he needs his time apart. I miss the late nights of staying up with him and going jogging in the mornings. My parents are ecstatic that we are apart now. They finally got their wish. The worked so hard to break us apart and all it took was time. And time may also bring us back together. Being apart and hanging out is a bit different from being together and hanging out. We just don't see each other as much as we used to do. Our chats are always short and quick and we limit our conversations to the safe zone of a "friendship".

We did agree that during our apart phase we could start dating other people. I know he wouldn't tell me if he's dating somebody else but knowing him, he doesn't want another relationship right now. But I'm lonely damn it! I got a phone number this weekend from this hot guy. I haven't called him yet because I'm worried that I'll drop him in a heartbeat if my ex wants to continue the relationship, but he's soooo hot! I'm going to call him.

My Life Turns Another Page

My boyfriend and I recently broke up. We agreed that it would be the best thing for us right now. Who knows what the future holds for us. This break up might just be a way of making our relationship stronger if we do decide to get back together. In my heart I still do love him and I will always do so, but we need this time apart.

I'm moving back home in a few months to get started on my new job. He's going his way and I'm going mines. For now I'm just dealing with the shock of the break up. I knew it was coming, but I just didn't want to hear it. I'm going to stop right here before I get upset again.

Love you guys!

I Can Smell The Air

Our home away from home will be in a RV next week. I'll let my hair down and stick my head out the window and feel the air blow against my face. I will find new life in happiness. I will have fun.

Until then, my boyfriend is getting over the effects of this past weekends hangover. I managed to just get buzzed and not drunk. I don't think he's learned his lesson. Once he's fully recovered he'll probably do it again.

Have a great day everybody, and smell the air!

Waiting

We are having a party here tonight. We forgot the drinks so they are out getting some. Until then Im squeezing one small post in before it starts.

Thats it.

Such a Dork

I just uploaded all the Backstreet Boys CD's on my iPod.

I'm going on a trip next month with my boyfriend and his brother and his brother's girlfriend. We will be an RV or something going across the nation. It's something I think everybody wants to do but never get a chance to do. We'll get to see all these places and meet all sorts of people. At first I was a little skeptical about the whole thing. I couldn't imagine putting my life on hold and just going on a trip like that. Something like that takes will take a lot out of you. But now as we get closer to that day I feel a little bit of anticipation for it. I know it's going to be a blast.

Update

Do you guys remember the homeless friend I was talking about early last year? If not just click on the title for the details.

I was praying that this guy will have a better life. I've been seeing him about once a week now. Sorry I haven't kept everybody updated on him. He owns his own deli now. He's engaged and happy.

I didn't want to bring up his deceased wife but I did still wonder if he still visited her . . . luckily he brought it up. He still visits her. I cried again. This guy is so romantic and so kind. It was upsetting to know that he worked all his life and was happily married once and then once she died his life started crumbling down. I'm so glad that he's still ok and happy.

Très Beau

Je m’éveillai, c’était la maison natale,
L’écume s’abattait sur le rocher,
Pas un oiseau, le vent seul à ouvrir et fermer la vague,
L’odeur de l’horizon de toutes parts,
Cendre, comme si les collines cachaient un feu
Qui ailleurs consumait un univers.
Je passai dans la véranda, la table était mise,
L’eau frappait les pieds de la table, le buffet.
Il fallait qu’elle entrât pourtant, la sans-visage
Que je savais qui secouait la porte
Du couloir, du côté de l’escalier sombre, mais en vain,
Si haute était déjà l’eau dans la salle.
Je tournais la poignée, qui résistait,
J’entendais presque les rumeurs de l’autre rive,
Ces rires des enfants dans l’herbe haute,
Ces jeux des autres, à jamais les autres, dans leur joie.

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<Yves Bonnefoy >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

I woke up, it was the house where I was born,
Sea foam splashed against the rock,
Not a single bird, only the wind to open and close the wave,
Everywhere on the horizon the smell of ashes,
As if the hills were hiding a fire
That somewhere else was burning up a universe.
I went onto the veranda, the table was set,
The water knocked against the legs of the table, the sideboard.
And yet she had to come in, the faceless one,
The one I knew was shaking the door
In the hall, near the darkened staircase, but in vain,
So high had the water already risen in the room.
I took the handle, it was hard to turn,
I could almost hear the noises of the other shore,
The laughter of the children playing in the tall grass,
The games of the others, always the others, in their joy.

Extracurricular Activities

I'm learning how to pole dance. Is it that difficult we have to have a class to dance on a pole? I guess so. It'll be fun. I'll demonstrate my lessons on my boyfriend each day.

OH MY GAWD!

I hate my boyfriend! He knows my fear of snakes and he insisted pranking me this morning after I told him I not the one. He got a fake snake and stuffed an operating dildo inside it and threw it under my sheet! I woke up with some familiar noise under the sheet, and something touching my leg. I pulled the sheet down and saw the snake moving! I nearly broke my neck trying to get out of the bed running out the door! Finding my boyfriend and his brother laughing in the corner! I'm sooo pissed!

Now I have something planned for him tonight. I'm thinking something "dildo" and "probing" and tied to the bed.

Then we have what happened friday night. We were a little tipsy and not thinking clearly. I was thinking just clear enough to not get naked. My boyfriend and his friends and brother decided to get naked and streak in this neighborhood. Mighty fine asses as they ran. It was funny as they were running having fun laughing and shouting and then running back shouting in terror. A cop was in the neighborhood chasing after them.

My friend started the car and was going to leave them. Tempted to leave them but I couldn't. We told them to hurry up. I knew some of them weren't with them but we had to leave them. I very humorous addition to my diary for that day. Naked guys running towards me as we all tried to escape the cops. Mom and Dad would be so proud. We got the others at sometime and went back home after we had to change cars. What a weekend. We need to have more of these.